


Going Under

by SilverThunder



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverThunder/pseuds/SilverThunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all ghosts are kind... or sane. Hikaru finds himself facing a completely different sort of 'haunting'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

__

It was colder than expected.

The boy walking across the deserted docking area didn't feel much beyond a mild sense of discomfort; his eyes were dull, as if he were only half present in the world around him.

The lack of lighting made it hard to see, but his breath was visible in front of him, a puff of warm air that quivered as if the cold troubled it. There was the sound of water lapping against the dock - the edge of the platform he walked across was close.

He was shaking. "I… I don't…"

The sentence was never finished. With a last shudder, the boy shut his eyes, and strode forward firmly, off the edge of the dock.

The water closed over his head, and he sank down without resisting.

((()))

It felt like someone was following him.

Hikaru glanced back over his shoulder without bothering to stop first. Since he'd gotten off the subway, there had been a shadow hanging around just at the edge of his sight. But there wasn't anyone there when he turned around, and he didn't hear any footsteps.

__

It still seems like there's someone there.

He frowned, but turned back. No point worrying about it - he was almost home anyway, and then it probably wouldn't matter.

It was Friday night. He'd won his first Ooteai match of April just yesterday, and the study session was tomorrow. That night had just been a friendly get-together at Waya's, a belated celebration - well, kind of celebration - of Nase and Komiya's passing the pro exam. It was probably more for an excuse to get together at the same time than anything, but it was fun anyway.

__

At least he's actually got furniture there now. Sort of. Hikaru brought to mind the plastic blow-up chairs Waya chose to call 'furniture' and couldn't help grinning. _But it's better than the floor._

The stupid shadow was still there. _What is that, anyway?_ Hikaru let out an annoyed breath, whipping his head around quickly to see if he could catch some stalker in the act. It didn't _look_ like anyone else was around, but it sure felt like it. "Man…" he muttered under his breath, turning back around and making some show of just not caring, to cover his discomfort.

It was cold for April. Hikaru had gone with a thin shirt since the weather seemed all right, and now he was paying for it. The hair on his arms was starting to stand up; he rubbed at them and sped up a bit. _Well, I'm almost home._

There was a sort of irrational tingly fear squirming its way into his thoughts, and even while he told himself it was ridiculous, he couldn't seem to shake it. It was dark and cold, and way too quiet, especially around the park.

And even with all the other shadows lingering around in the dark, the one that kept catching his attention but eluding his eyes still managed to seem distinct somehow.

He wound up jogging down his street and up to his front door - his pride wouldn't let him actually _run_ \- and even while he did, that shadow wouldn't let up. _Well, now I don't have to worry about it._ Hikaru let out a breath, and opened the door, feeling much more secure inside the lighted hallway. _I was probably just being stupid anyway._ "I'm home!" he called out, sliding out of his shoes.

"Welcome back!" his mother called from the kitchen. "I saved you some dinner if you want it."

The shadow slid from his mind as a tempting sort of smell assaulted his senses instead. "Yeah, thanks!"

Thoughts of stalkers and shadows and dark, cold streets seemed far away just then.

((()))

He saw it again when he was brushing his teeth.

It wasn't even really a shadow, now that he thought about it. More like someone standing right behind him - someone he couldn't see, but who was just sort of _there_ in the corner of his eye. He wasn't even sure what he was seeing, just that there was a presence there.

In the outside, where it was dark, it had seemed like a shadow.

In the bathroom, where there wasn't _supposed_ to be anyone else… it was creepy.

"Dad?"

__

I would've seen him in the mirror, wouldn't I? Hikaru glanced quickly over his shoulder, found nothing there, and whipped his head around to look into the mirror again. There was a sort of flicker at the edge, like someone stepping out of the way.

Except no one was there.

Hikaru spat the toothpaste out of his mouth and took in a long, slow breath. He wouldn't have thought of it four years ago, but having a presence there made him think of it now. _A ghost?_

__

Sai. The thought leapt right into his head, first thing - and then jumped back out again almost at the same second. _Sai would've said something. I'd be able to_ see _Sai. He wouldn't just be a shadow behind me._

And he wouldn't make the air feel so cold. His pajamas weren't that light, but he was shivering anyway.

"Who's there?"

Nothing answered him, and the shadow was gone.

Hikaru rinsed his mouth out quickly and retreated back into his room. If it really was a ghost, that wouldn't help, but he felt more secure with the covers around him.

__

If it's not Sai, what kind of ghost could it be?

((()))

Saturdays, Hikaru always slept in.

Even with a ghost on his mind from the night before, he couldn’t break the habit he'd formed since he'd finished junior high school. By the time he woke up, the room was well-lit, and the shivery almost-fear from the night before seemed silly.

__

I'm probably just being paranoid. Why would a ghost haunt me, if it's not Sai? He pushed the covers aside, determined to forget about that brief incident, and got up to root through his drawers for something that was clean. _I should stop thinking about ghosts so much._

Except for one, of course. Sai was always going to be in his thoughts.

It was still kind of chilly, so Hikaru tossed his pajamas aside and pulled on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. _I've got Morishita-sensei's study session today - I shouldn't let myself get distracted, or I'll hear about it from him._

"Mom! Is breakfast ready?"

It was kind of a redundant question - Hikaru could smell the meal even as he started down the stairs; when the kitchen table came into his line of vision, he could see his father sitting with the newspaper and his plate.

"Yes, just a minute - I'll make you a plate."

"Morning, Hikaru," his father greeted him, without taking his eyes from the paper.

"Morning." He slid into his seat, propping his head up on one hand as he waited for the food. Everything was normal, and it made him feel progressively more secure. _I guess it was just my imagination after all. Maybe I'm too eager to see ghosts everywhere._

That opinion managed to hold out all the way through breakfast.

Hikaru didn't spend _every_ morning playing, but he was willing to admit that the Go board sitting at the center of his room got a lot of use during the day. He never went a full day - when he wasn't at an away game - without using it for at least a couple of hours. After all, he couldn't afford to slack off, being Touya's rival. There were still the remnants of that gap between them to close, and Touya was always going to be a couple of dan-level above him.

At least until they got up to 9-dan. Although he didn't doubt that Touya could take Jyudan one day.

__

And I'll be right there beside you when you do it. I'll take my own titles - just watch me!

That morning, he wanted to work on his Go - even with the study session that afternoon.

Still, as he was kneeling down, he wasn't expecting to see that same flicker of a presence behind him that had made him so nervous the night before. It was just a glimpse of darkness, more visible now that it was light out - and even through the sweatshirt, it made him shiver.

Seconds ago, he'd been comfortably warm.

__

It's cold…

Hikaru made an irritated noise at the back of his throat, and lifted the bowls from his board, resolutely. "Fine then, hang around if you want," he told the whatever-it-was, shutting his eyes for a moment and frowning. "I'll just ignore you anyway."

No response.

__

All right. I don't care. He pushed that thought away and dug his hand into the black stones, taking one out and firmly placing in on the board. Even if it was a ghost, he was used to that, right? This wasn't going to freak him out.

And while he was playing, his mind was on the _game_ \- not whatever was hanging around behind him.

((()))

By the time he arrived at the study session, Hikaru felt he'd mastered the art of ignoring whatever anonymous thing was lurking around in his shadow. If it wanted to hang around and watch him do stuff, fine. It wasn’t like it had tried to talk to him, so he couldn't be bothered to pay attention to it.

It was kind of annoying when he remembered that it was there, though.

__

Why is it haunting me, anyway? What does it want?

There had to be a reason. But if it wasn't going to talk, he wasn’t going to find out, was he? Hikaru pressed the button to get an elevator going up, unsettled somehow and trying to cover it with anger. "Stupid thing."

"What'd you just say? Was that about me?" Someone punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Hikaru rubbed the assaulted shoulder and glared over at the taller boy who'd suddenly materialized beside him. "Where'd you come from?"

"Hello to you too." Waya grinned, unrepentant, and followed him onto the elevator when it arrived. "I said your name a few times, but you must've been thinking hard about something. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing. I thought someone was following me home last night." It was better than explaining the truth. People would think he was going crazy if he said a ghost was probably haunting him. "It was probably just my imagination."

"Yeah, right. Why would anyone want to stalk you?" His friend shrugged, not losing the careless grin. "Or maybe it was your last opponent, trying to get revenge for the indignity of losing to someone five dan levels below him."

"I've beat people who were higher dan than him," Hikaru pointed out, crossing his arms again. "Anyway, he wasn't that pissed."

"Yeah, that's why he was using Ochi's favorite losing stall for half an hour after the game ended." Waya stepped off the elevator before the doors had totally finished opening. "Not that it gets much use anyway - I guess they can share."

"Yeah, Ochi's been winning a lot." The talk about bathrooms reminded him that he hadn't bothered to use his before leaving the house. There was still that whole 'mirror' thing from the night before to think about - it was just weird, that was all. "That reminds me, I have to use the bathroom before we go in. I'll see you in there, all right?"

"Sure." Waya shrugged, moving on ahead as Hikaru changed directions.

Not surprisingly, the washroom was deserted. It always seemed to be on Saturdays, if there wasn't anything going on over the weekend. The silence made him a bit edgy, so he tried to be quick.

__

Which stall was it that Ochi always uses? Hikaru distracted himself while he was washing his hands by trying to remember. _Is he even that choosy, or is Waya just kidding around?_ He couldn't bring it to mind, so maybe that was the case. Ochi was pretty weird, but his bathroom habit wasn't _that_ bad.

__

Or maybe I'm being too generous. Hikaru grinned to himself, then glanced up at the mirror.

And saw Ochi himself staring back at him from the reflection.

"Ah - Ochi? I didn't hear you - " The words died as he spun around.

He was still alone - the bathroom was empty.

Hikaru turned back to the mirror quickly. He was mostly expecting Ochi's image to be gone, so the fact that the reflection was still there made him start, and his skin prickled. He turned again, heartbeat raising to the point where he could hear it pound hard and fast against his chest, but still there was no one behind him. And in the mirror, the reflection was as clear as anything.

__

What - What is this!? Ochi?

He stared back at the image, tongue frozen in his mouth and starting to feel more than just vaguely creeped out. The shorter pro met his gaze, and Hikaru swallowed, feeling like he might be sick. Those were definitely not Ochi's eyes. There was a wrongness in them - a kind of not-quite-rational look.

Like he was looking at someone who wasn't right in the head, and couldn't hide it.

Ochi smiled then, and it didn't look like any sort of smile Hikaru had ever seen on his face.

He bolted for the exit without bothering to dry his hands first, shoving his way through and twisting around so he could scramble away from the bathroom without having his back to it. The idea of being near the place - near where he'd seen that thing in the mirror - was enough to make his skin crawl. Hikaru leaned against the wall and stared back at the door as if something might come oozing out the bottom of it, shivering all over and not just from the coldness around him. There was more than just that thin prickle of fear from before; somehow, even just remembering those eyes was enough to make him feel bile rising at the back of his throat. 

__

What the hell was that? That was Ochi! But -

But it wasn't Ochi. It wasn't anything he wanted to look at again, either.

Hikaru wrapped his fingers around his arms and shut his eyes tightly, not able or willing to control his shuddering yet.

Whatever it was, this thing wasn't going to be something he could just ignore.

((()))

__

I won't look into any mirrors any more. That's all. I won't look. Hikaru stared down at the sink in the bathroom as he washed his hands, determined not to look up. _And if I do have to look, I'll just look at_ me _. Not at - that._

He shut his eyes against another shudder. The look he'd seen in Ochi's - but not Ochi's - eyes was still clear in his mind. There was something so _wrong_ about it - the way that gaze had fixed on him. Whatever that thing was, there was no way it was sane.

The prospect of being haunted by an insane ghost wasn't that pleasant.

__

I won't look at it. I won't pay attention to it. It can't do anything to me if I just ignore it, right?

Sai had been able to do plenty.

__

But this ghost isn't Sai! Hikaru felt his hands shake, and firmly clenched them into fists. _I can't see it outside of mirrors, and it doesn't talk to me - it probably can't do anything to me either. Right?_

He didn't have anyone to answer that for him.

The water rising up to his wrists was what called his attention back. _Ah - crap! When did I plug up the drain?_ He pulled his hands out, and then braced them against the counter, fighting a moment of disorientation. _Wait - what - ?_

The ripples had cleared by the time he managed to get hold of himself again; Hikaru stared blankly down at the water, barely registering the fact that, beyond where his own reflection stared back at him waveringly, another hovered in the background - one that looked like -

__

No!

He pulled away and scrambled back two quick steps, only stopping when he found his back pressed against the wall and pressing his now badly-shaking hands against his eyes. Ochi had been bad enough, but this…

__

Sai… It looked like Sai.

Hikaru let his knees fold and sank back against the wall, still covering his eyes. The water felt too cold against his skin, but he didn't want to move his hands away yet.

__

It made the sink plug up. It made it plug up, and then it made me look.

When he did finally move his hands, it was to press them against his stomach. The sick feeling didn't leave him for a long, long time, and for the first time he could remember, he wished he could just throw up.

((()))

"Thank you for the game." Akira inclined his head forward, more from habit than anything - Shindou probably didn't mind if he did or didn't.

Especially not just then. His opponent didn't even seem entirely present at the moment.

"Shindou, are you all right?"

The look in his eyes when Shindou turned his gaze upward made Akira think of an animal that wasn't sure if it should bolt or fight. He didn't look like he'd been sleeping well, either. "I'm fine, let's play again." His voice sounded funny - nervous when it had no right to be, and trying to make itself sound normal. "I'll nigiri, okay?"

Akira frowned at him for a moment, then checked his watch. "It's almost seven. We have to close up - I told Ichikawa-san we'd only be another hour." He closed the lid on the bowl of white stones and sighed. Their voices sounded unnaturally loud in the empty Go Salon, and it only made Shindou's obvious anxiety seem worse. "Not that I object to playing you, but why so many games?"

There was a definitely tenseness in the way Shindou was holding himself; his eyes darted to one side and he shivered a bit, as if the temperature weren't quite high enough for him. _Why is he cold? It's warm enough in here, and he's wearing a heavier shirt than I am._ "I - I just want to play. Can we go somewhere else? I'm sure I'll beat you this time!"

He was really _trying_ to sound normal - Akira had to give him that. It wasn't quite working, though. "Is something the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter. I'm fine. Hey, you want to spend the night at my place?" Once again, he got that weird eye-darting motion, as if the shorter boy were trying to catch sight of something behind him. "We could keep playing that way."

The offer made Akira pause - it was more than strange for his rival to invite him over without some sort of reason, considering the nature of their relationship. Inviting someone to spend the night just _because_ was the sort of thing a person did with a close friend, and he wasn't sure if 'close friend' was what he would call Shindou. Or what Shindou would call him. The things they did together outside of Go seemed limited to brief lunch breaks, sometimes dinner when they wanted to continue discussing a match after the Go Salon closed - if they even made it to closing - or a walk to the subway station together. And from the twitchy behavior, Akira was fairly confidant that whatever his reasons for asking, Shindou wasn't motivated by a desire for his presence.

But it still made him feel that odd warm tingling he found himself suppressing so often around his rival, all the same. Akira didn't care to dwell on his emotions, especially not unspeakable and almost certainly hopeless ones like feelings for another boy. However little Shindou might crave _his_ presence, he certainly craved Shindou's. It had been something he'd fought with before, but in that, he had been forced to resign. Even with dark circles under his eyes and that wary, tense manner he'd developed, Shindou was a sight he wanted to drink in until he drowned in it.

Spending the night with him could only result in embarrassment.

"I have an early game," he excused himself. "It wouldn't be a good idea."

Shindou's shoulders slumped, and he let out a low, shaky breath, running a hand through his hair and not looking at Akira. "I wouldn't make you stay up late or anything," he protested, with the half-hearted tone that a person would use when they understood already that further discussion wouldn't help their case.

__

Yes, you would. You might not intend to, but you would. Akira had to carefully steer his thoughts away from how it might feel to run his own fingers through Shindou's short, soft-looking hair. "I'd rather not risk it." He stood, setting his bowl back on the board. "We should get going, then - it's late enough already."

"I guess. Are you sure we can't play one more game?" Shindou was quick to copy him - there was a sort of desperation in his eyes when he met Akira's gaze again. "We could go somewhere else - only for a short while. I mean… ah, never mind." At the last minute, he turned his face away, scratching at the back of his head in embarrassment. "I - just… that is…"

A fractional shimmer of hope was slinking in past Akira's defenses, despite his best efforts. "We could play somewhere else," he agreed. At the moment, nothing sounded better than a game with Shindou. _And his nervousness - is that because…?_ No. Akira squashed that thought before it could spell out its meaning for him. It would be better not to think about _that_. It was enough that Shindou was so anxious to play him.

"Great!" That, at least, seemed to brighten Shindou up, although he looked more relieved than pleased. "Where do you want to go?"

"It was your idea to play," Akira reminded him, carefully shutting off the light switches. "You decide. Go outside while you think about it, so I can turn on the alarm."

"Wha - you…!" He could feel Shindou glaring at his back. "Don't order me around! Just because you win a few times…"

"Most times," Akira corrected him coolly.

"I won twice so far this week!"

"Out of six games. I have to set the alarm, Shindou - please go outside and wait for me."

He could hear the other boy let out a short, frustrated breath, and then, "Fine, hurry up." The footsteps following were deliberately heavy.

Akira set the alarm.

Shindou had his back to the sliding glass doors and didn't look over his shoulder even as Akira locked them. "Let's go for dinner," he said, in a much more conciliatory tone than that of two minutes previous.

Akira put away the keys and turned around. His rival's shoulders were visibly tense. "I thought you wanted to play another game."

"Let's go for dinner and _then_ play."

Biting back a sigh - he was never going to understand Shindou's thought process - Akira gave in. "As long as you eat quickly - remember that I have to be home early."

"Yeah, yeah, I will," Shindou agreed impatiently, and moved ahead of him, as if he couldn't wait to get away from the building. "Come on."

There was something not quite right about the way he was acting. Akira could tell that he was off - but he wasn't entirely sure how, exactly. Shindou's concentration wasn't suffering - if anything, it seemed like he was _more_ focussed on the game. Almost desperately so, as if he wanted to lose himself in playing and avoid thinking about whatever was bothering him.

Maybe that was it.

Akira wasn't sure how he should ask about what was wrong without having Shindou snap back that he was fine and tell him to stop asking already because it was annoying as hell. He had a feeling it might be impossible.

__

I suppose I'll just have to wait until he decides to tell me.

Assuming he decided to tell him at all.

((()))

Avoiding mirrors had become almost like a habit.

Hikaru hadn't seem much more than passing glimpses of his reflection for the past two days, and every time he _did_ look, there was another reflection in there with it. He'd gotten used to it, having Waya or Isumi or even just the people he played in his league matches standing there behind him, or off to the side.

It was creepy as hell, and he didn't look it in the eye if he could help it, but even avoiding the thing didn't make him feel any better. The incident with the sink was still very clear in his mind, and the constant sense of _presence_ kept him from being able to relax.

__

It can make stuff happen. It can do things to me. 

The thought scared him. It seemed like he was always afraid now when he was alone, because if it was just the ghost and him, what would it do? How much _could_ it do? Could it take over his mind? Maybe that was what it was building up to - trying to possess him. But why hadn't it done it already? Did it need to drive him crazy first?

If that was the case, it was well on its way to succeeding.

It was worse at night than during the day. Hikaru sat in front of the Go board in his room, carefully recreating a game of Touya's from earlier that week. He replayed Touya's games often, in between Sai's and more of the higher-dan players. It made him feel less alone, because he was familiar enough with Touya's playing style that playing out his games made it seem almost like he was there. With the sky already dark and the house quiet, he needed company - or something like it - very badly just then.

It helped to play Go, and it helped even more to play one of Touya's games. Hikaru placed another stone, the firm clicking noise sounding louder than usual in the middle of the late-night silence. It was comforting rather than creepy, a thin sound in an atmosphere saturated with a heavy quiet. It made him think of playing against an opponent who was really there, when everything outside of the game was blocked out and all he could hear were the stones being placed.

__

If it were me in this situation with Touya, I would've played up here instead of this… He placed Touya's next black stone, quickly surveying the new situation. _He's focused too much on the lower left - Touya controls the center, that's why there wouldn't have been any point in taking it into yose._

Two more hands, and he reached the point where Touya's opponent had resigned. It would've been at least a 4 moku win.

__

I wouldn't have let you get that much. Hikaru smiled to himself, gathering up the stones. _I could've disrupted your shape, even in that situation; you left enough openings._ He'd save that up for tomorrow, when he saw Touya again.

__

Good - then…

He set the bowls back onto the board, leaned back - and felt the cold air tickling his skin again. It made him shiver, even through the thick pajama top. _Is that the ghost, or is it just cold?_

Hikaru honestly couldn't tell any more. 

That sense of someone lurking behind him was always just _there_. He was getting used to it, in a way, although getting used to it didn't make it any easier to deal with. It was like having someone look over his shoulder at whatever he was doing - a sense of someone breathing down his neck without the actual physical 'breathing down the neck' part.

And he couldn't get the not-quite-sane look in its eyes out of his head, no matter how hard he tried. It was like they'd burned straight through into his brain and left a smoking imprint.

Hikaru shivered again. _I guess I should try and sleep now…_ Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't; he was exhausted, but still thinking way too hard to drift off.

__

I'll try anyway. He stood, ready to flick out the lights and bury himself in the covers.

And then to his left, coming from the wall by the door, there was an odd grinding noise - like someone whittling away at a block of wood.

__

Oh, crap - don't look! Don't _look…_

Fear jumped up to rest somewhere at the back of his throat; Hikaru had to think about swallowing. He stood rigidly for a moment, rooted to the spot, heart pounding hard as the slow carving noise continued behind him.

__

I… can't…

It was too hard to just ignore it. Slowly, with his skin prickling and his entire body tensed up as if getting ready to run, he turned to face the wall.

And, predictably, wished that he hadn't.

As if someone had taken a chisel and was methodically carving onto the wall, lines were forming purposefully, accompanied by that slow grinding and showers of chips from the paint and the wall itself that fluttered to the ground and settled into a steadily growing pile.

Hikaru shut his eyes quickly and turned his face away, feeling the beat of his own heart through his chest as its pounding rose up to speed levels he didn't know it could reach.

__

Ignore it. Just keep ignoring it. Just turn out the light and go to bed, and ignore it.

Unfortunately, the light switch was on the wall currently being vandalized.

Hikaru opened his eyes.

The carving stopped.

Directly in front of him, too large to be ignored, was the kanji for 'hikaru'.[1]

Abandoning pride - who was going to see it anyway? - Hikaru all but dove into bed without bothering to turn the light out first and pulled the covers over his head, listening to his own erratic breathing and trying to concentrate on the harsh pounding at his chest.

There wasn't going to be any sleep for him tonight.

((()))

There had to be something about it.

Hikaru stared at the symbol he'd sketched out. It was a perfectly ordinary symbol - people used it when they were talking about light 'hikaru' and not his name 'Hikaru'. But why did this ghost carve it onto his bedroom wall? Was it supposed to mean something? Or was it just the ghost's way of spelling his name? Did it hear people call him 'Hikaru' and figure that it was just like the word? Did it want something with 'light' or 'standing out'? What was it after? What was carving a word no one else could see onto his wall supposed to accomplish?

__

Besides completely freaking me out. He frowned, eyebrows coming down automatically, and let out a short, frustrated breath. It was easier to be irritated in the break room at the Go Institute when it was light out and there were other people around and he had a match to think about. Thinking about the symbol wasn't half as frightening as it was when he was at home late at night, and it was being carved into his wall by nothing at all.

There wasn't anything on that wall now. By some miracle, he'd managed to sleep, and when he'd woken up, the kanji was gone. But whatever was haunting him had done it again - written it on the bathroom wall with something like paint - while he stared at the sink and trying to brush his teeth like nothing was happening.

__

And mom and dad don't notice a thing.

Hikaru was starting to wonder if maybe he really _was_ going crazy, and these were all hallucinations. No one else saw them but him - how could he even prove they were really happening?

There was a cold draft brushing along the back of his neck, and he shivered again, involuntarily.

__

It's always cold…

"What are you doing, Shindou? Spacing out?"

Hikaru jerked a bit in his seat, caught too deep in his thoughts to notice the person who'd sat down next to him. "Oh - Waya." He leaned against the back of his chair, letting his arms hang limply. "Just thinking."

"Not about your match - the way that's going, all you've got to worry about it how long it takes your opponent to resign." Waya grinned, then looked down at the paper in front of him and raised an eyebrow. "'Light'? Or are you looking for another way to spell your name?"

Hikaru let out a breath, feeling the air leave his lungs as if pushing all the substance out of him. "I'm not sure."

"Not sure?" The older boy looked puzzled and a little annoyed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

__

It means I'm being haunted by a ghost who leaves ambiguous messages on the wall, that's what. Hikaru scowled at the paper. "I think it's a trick or something."

Waya snorted. "You're pretty weird sometimes, Shindou. Come on" - he added that last bit with another quick grin, and clapped a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder - "let's head back."

Hikaru pushed his chair away from the table and got up, leaving his paper on the table behind him. It wasn't like staring at it was going to help him figure anything out - he wasn't good with hidden meanings anyway. There wasn't much chance he could do this.

Which meant he wasn't going to figure out what the ghost wanted.

Which meant it was probably going to keep haunting him.

In the faint reflection the window provided as he and Waya walked by it, a second Waya hovered near Hikaru's back. He was looking at the window as well; when he caught Hikaru's gaze - just for that brief moment - he smiled.

Hikaru shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut and looking away quickly.

__

This has to stop - I can't live like this! I've got to get someone to help me.

The problem was… who would believe him?

((()))

Akira had a feeling he looked as if he were staring at an alien life form. He couldn't help it, though - his fingers had stilled in the act of cleaning the stones from the board, and he couldn't keep himself from fixing the person hovering anxiously beside him with an incredulous gaze.

"Could you repeat that for me, please, Shindou?"

His rival frowned, but the irritation on his face was robbed of its usual expressive edge by the bags and dark circles under his eyes and the nervous way he kept shifting in place. His gaze still darted over his shoulder every so often, nervously, and there was an almost desperate glint in there that didn't look good. To put it bluntly, Shindou looked like hell. "I didn't come here to play you. Does everything we do have to be about Go?"

This was unexpected. Akira put away the stones carefully, trying not to seem overly surprised. "If you didn't come to play, then why are you here?"

Shindou shifted again, staring down at the board now with apparent fascination. "I want to tell you something," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck as if he were uncomfortable saying it.

"Tell me something?" Immediately, several possibilities leapt to Akira's mind, causing as many mixed emotions. Fear - _He doesn't want to play me any more?_ Hope - _He's gay, and I have a chance?_ Anticipation…

__

He's going to tell me the secret behind Sai?

"Yeah." Shindou shifted again, and his gaze appealed to Akira for understanding. "Can we go somewhere we can talk without so many people around?"

There wasn't much chance to answer. Kitajima, who didn't like Shindou much in the first place, bristled in the seat next to Akira. "What's so important that you can't say it around us?" He squinted at Shindou. "Always think you're so high and mighty…"

"Kitajima-san…" Ichikawa set down the tea she'd promised, waving a hand at the older man and shooting a questioning look at Akira. "Do you still want this, or are you going out?"

"I think" - A glance showed Shindou watching him anxiously - "I'm going out. I'll be back later, though." He stood, moving around the board to follow Shindou out of the salon.

Two out of three odds, this was something he wanted to hear about.

"Where are we going?" he asked, as the sliding doors closed behind them.

Shindou shrugged. The gaze he tossed back over his shoulder at Akira was tense, almost wary, and still held that nervous energy from before. "Let's walk for a while. Okay?"

"All right." This was more than a little strange. _First he's inviting me to spend the night at his place, and then he just wants to walk around?_ It didn't seem to fit the definition of their relationship, these new developments. He and Shindou had a sub-section of friendship that they just called 'rivalry', which explained the constant fights if not the meals out and the time spent in each other's company. They didn't do things like _normal_ friends would, because - for all intents and purposes - they weren't normal friends at all.

The street was typically crowded, and Shindou was quiet as they walked. Akira was more than just curious by this point, but it wouldn't do any good to ask about it - he'd said 'in private', after all, and 'in the middle of a crowded sidewalk' hardly counted as private.

__

Well, where does he expect to go for privacy, then?

"Here." Shindou broke up his thoughts suddenly by tugging him off the sidewalk, into a short alley with a dumpster at the back. "I don't think anyone will bother us here." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Anyway, if someone heard, they'd probably just think I was crazy."

Akira's interest - if it hadn't been caught before - was certainly entirely in his rival's possession by then. "What is this about, Shindou?"

The shorter boy let out a long breath, shot one last, nervous glance over his shoulder, and then seemed to draw himself up, as if gathering in his determination. "Okay. I'm ready for this. All right." He met Akira's gaze, eyes almost fierce, as if they were in the middle of a particularly intense battle on the go board. "Remember when I first met you, and we played our first game?"

It felt as if his heart suddenly jumped up into his throat. Akira held his breath for a moment, his skin prickling. _He's going to tell me… what's behind him._ How long had he wondered about this, wracked his brain trying to work out Shindou's secret? And here it was - he was going to hear this straight from the enigma itself. "Yes," he managed, after a minute, anticipation clogging his vocal cords and making it difficult to get the words out. "I remember."

Shindou swallowed hard, looked away for a moment, and then looked back, and his eyes stabbed in past Akira's already-weakened defenses. "The one who played that game… wasn't me."

There was a certain heaviness to those words that made Akira think they were important, even if they didn't make sense to him at the moment. He stared back at Shindou, too spellbound by his gaze and his tone to be incredulous or skeptical. "What do you mean?"

__

And how does this tie in with Sai? There were pieces of the puzzle in front of him now - less were missing, but he couldn't see yet how they all fit together.

__

Shindou…

"I was placing the stones, but I wasn't the one who decided where they went. I didn't even know how to play." It seemed like something had come loose in Shindou with that; he was almost rushing to say everything, as if he had a lot to get to yet. "Someone else told me where to play; that game was all his. His name was - " And then he hit a snag again; his breath caught for a moment, he looked away.

Akira held his breath. None of this made sense; how could someone tell him where to play? No one was there! He would have heard anyone else speak. But, somehow… He felt the answer was still waiting to be told.

"His name was - "

__

What? Akira wanted to scream; wanted to grab his rival's shoulders and shake the answer out of him. He wasn't sure how much of Shindou's stumbling he could take.

"His name was - " Shindou swallowed again, almost glared at Akira as if it would help him say the words, and went on. "Fujiwara no Sai."

__

Sai!

Akira's mouth opened, but he wasn't sure he trusted himself to try and speak.

"That's who you played against. That's who you were chasing. That's who played you on the internet, too." Shindou seemed almost relieved to have gotten through that much of it. "I was the only one who knew his name until now." His eyes slid down and away from Akira's then, as if the wind had been taken out of him. There was a deep, lingering sadness there. "He was my teacher, and… my friend."

It felt like his thoughts were being sucked into an enormous whirlpool of Shindou's words. Akira shook his head, feeling as if he were moving too sluggishly, like in a dream. A million questions jumped to his lips, but only one made it out. "Who… was he? Fujiwara no Sai?"

"A Go player from the Heian era. Don't bother looking him up, though." A wry, humorless smile tugged at the down-turned corners of Shindou's mouth. "He's not in the history books. All of Shuusaku's games, though - those were his." He looked up again, and there was more desperation than determination there. "The same way my first games with you were his. Sai was a genius."

__

This doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any _sense!_ Akira felt like pounding on the ground with his fists in frustration. "Heian? Shuusaku? How is that possible?" He felt his eyebrows come down and did nothing to stop the glare forming on his face. The urge to grab Shindou and shake him until he stopped talking in riddles was even worse than before. "What is all of this supposed to mean, Shindou?"

"He was a ghost, okay? Sai was a ghost!" Shindou's voice was starting to get as wild as his eyes; with the dark circles under them and the nervous edge to each of his movements, he bore a shocking resemblance to a complete lunatic. "He committed suicide back in his own time because he lost a game to someone who cheated and was banned from the capitol, and his spirit was trapped in a go board because he wanted to play more, and - "

"You're telling me I played against a ghost?" Akira burst out, unable to keep quiet any more. _I can't believe he's saying this! How could it… How could it be…?_ "And all of Shuusaku's games - those were played by a ghost, too? That's your secret?"

"Yes! And it's true! Sai was _real_!" Shindou was getting angry too; in between the desperation and the nervousness, he could see all of the familiar signs. "I was the only one who could see him - I was the only one who ever knew he existed. And now you. I said I'd tell you someday, and I did. The least you could do is _try_ to believe me!"

Akira swallowed another angry retort, letting out a long, slow breath and trying to get his emotions back under control. It was unbelievable - it had to be a lie. It couldn't be true. But…

__

It would answer every question. Every single one.

He shut his eyes, counted to ten, and then opened them again, to find the shorter boy watching him warily. There was the barest spark of hope in that expression, the desperation he'd seen before - that Shindou had to make Akira believe, somehow. It helped to calm him down, at least somewhat. "Where is Fujiwara no Sai now, then?" he asked, in an amazingly neutral voice.

The change in Shindou's expression was sudden and sharp; everything vanished in the face of that deep sadness Akira had seen before. Once again, his rival turned away from his gaze, hanging his head and slouching his shoulders as if in defeat. "He's gone." His voice was subdued, quiet - the kind of voice a person would use when talking about a family member or friend who had died.

Akira couldn't help but feel a slight chill at that. "What do you mean?"

"He disappeared. He tried to tell me he would, but - I didn't listen." There was a slight tremble in Shindou's voice then that betrayed hours of agonizing over that one point. "That was why I quit playing go, back then. I thought he'd come back if I didn't play my own games any more."

Something about that rang true. Akira took a step backward, profoundly disturbed by the way a part of him was starting to accept everything Shindou said. "I see."

The shorter boy shook his head suddenly, as if to clear it. "I said 'someday', and what I meant was 'far in the future', not today." He brought his face back up again, eyes full of the earlier determination. "I told you today because you're the only one who has a chance of believing me, and if you believe me about Sai, then maybe you'll also believe…" He swallowed and took in a few breaths, letting them out sharply and staring at Akira as if at an enemy he wanted to vanquish.

Akira wasn't sure which emotion to react to this with, so he just stared back blankly.

Shindou glanced behind him in another of those nervous gestures, and then drew himself up again and plunged onward. "There's another ghost. Not like Sai - I mean, more like what you'd think an _actual_ ghost would be like. I can only see it in the mirror, and it doesn't talk, but…" He broke off, and a shudder went through his whole body; he shut his eyes and his expression twisted as if he might be sick. "The way it looks at me, it's horrible. And it's been doing things, like writing 'hikaru' on my wall, plugging up drains so I'll look into the water and see its reflection. It's…" He fumbled for words.

Akira stared at him mutely.

The desperation was back in Shindou's gaze now - more than anything else, that was what dominated his expression. "Touya. I need you to believe me. I can't take this on my own any more - I need help. I need you to - I need _someone_ to help me. _Please_."

His feet were moving on their own; Akira's brain felt as if it were covered with a numbing fog. He took two more steps backward, feeling as if he were in a trance. "I don't… I don't know…"

"You've got to believe me!" Shindou's voice was getting shrill; he hurried forward and grabbed Akira's sleeve, looking even wilder than before. "I need you to help me! I can't handle this; I need you; _please_!" His breathing was harsh and ragged; his eyes were wide and almost fearful; his fingers were shaking against Akira's arm.

There was a part of Akira that wanted to give in, because this was Shindou. This was the person closest to him; the rival he'd chased after; the first person he'd fallen in love with; the person he was probably _still_ in love with, even if he wasn't sure whether that person was crazy or not. Shindou was begging for his support, and all he had to do was offer it in order to give him peace of mind.

But…

Akira turned away, finding it too difficult to look his rival in the eye right then. _It's way too much. It… It couldn't be true - it's too unreal._

And yet…

Shindou's fingers tightened on his shirt, almost convulsively. "You believe me about Sai at least, don't you?" His voice came very close to breaking. "Touya?" He didn't wait very long for an answer; it seemed like his nerves were too tightly strung to allow for much patience. "Touya! Answer me! You believe me about Sai! Right?"

"I need to think about this, Shindou." He couldn't quite get the words out in a normal voice, but the steady tone he managed amazed Akira.

He could feel the shudder that passed through the shorter boy's body, but didn't look up to see the expression on his face. When Shindou's fingers slackened against his shirt, Akira pulled free and turned to walk back out of the alley.

At the moment, he wasn't sure about his destination - but he was sure that he couldn't stand to be around Shindou for another minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Actually, the kanji symbol I'm talking about is the one used for 'hikari' - a ray or beam of light. Hikari is a noun and hikaru is the verb, which means 'shine; glitter' or 'stand out'. My Japanese dictionary spelled hikaru with the kanji for hikari and a hiragana 'ru' symbol. Hikaru spells his name in katakana, which is mostly used for sounds or foreign words but also often for names. However, I saw it in a doujinshi once spelled with just the kanji for 'hikari'. This is what I meant here.


	2. Chapter 2

The ghost was writing something on the wall again.

Hikaru stared resolutely at the covers he had pulled over his head, and tried to ignore it. He knew what was being carved out, because he'd seen it printed on the bathroom wall, the front door, the window at the Go Institute, and various other places.

It was always the same.

He was exhausted to the point where it was making him feel sick, and that made it hard to eat, too. But who could sleep with a ghost carving a word that was incidentally also his name out on the wall?

Touya's response to his kind of desperate attempt to get someone on his side hadn't helped, either.

__

He didn't believe me. Logic had warned him that would be the case; in fact, he'd figured it might happen some day when he finally decided the time was right to tell Touya about Sai… But for some crazy reason, he'd still believed that somehow _Touya_ would understand. He'd seen the evidence with his own eyes, after all; he'd come so close to guessing the truth…

And then when he was _told_ the truth, he didn't believe it!

In a completely irrational way, Hikaru felt betrayed.

_He could at least give it a chance! Listening to me wouldn't hurt him. Besides, why would I lie about something like this?_

Thinking about it was making his head hurt.

At the other end of the room, the carving stopped. Hikaru felt a sudden chill, and pulled the covers tighter around him. It didn't help, of course - he hadn't found an effective way to keep warm yet.

With his eyes shut and shivering, he wondered if he was just going to end up going insane after all.

((()))

Shindou had apparently taken Akira's 'I need to think' seriously. The dark-haired pro considered the consequences of this, as he finished clearing the game he'd been replaying and picked up his tea. _Seriously enough to avoid me completely, in any case._

Not that he could really blame him. Akira took a sip and made a face - the drink was almost cold. It wasn't really a surprise that Shindou wasn't coming by any more, considering how Akira had reacted to his confession. But who in their right mind would believe a wild story like that? Was Shindou crazy?

That was something to seriously consider. He set the cup down again and leaned back in his seat, frowning. Shindou might have a serious mental condition. Maybe he _thought_ he saw ghosts. Maybe he had a split personality, one of who had always been a great Go player.

But if that were the case, why would 'Sai' have disappeared? How could Shindou's other personality have learned to play? Why wouldn't it come out consistently when he played? And besides that, Shindou shouldn't be able to _see_ his other personality, or communicate with it, or give it a history like he had.

It was too complicated to think of an insane Shindou who was a great player but forgot it at times and had a delusion created to cover it up for the rest of his brain. Was that even possible? And did it make sense?

"Akira-kun?" Ichikawa interrupted his thoughts, taking his cup and replacing it with a fresh one. "You look distracted. Is something wrong?"

"Ah… no." He shook his head, picking up the new drink with a grateful smile. "Not really. I'm just thinking."

"Well, don't let it bother you so much, whatever it is." She tilted her head and smiled back. "Honestly, I haven't seen you this bad since the first time you played Shindou-kun. Where's he been lately, anyway?"

"He's… kind of busy." Akira held his cup in both hands to warm his fingers. "He'll be back eventually, don't worry."

__

I wish I could be sure of that… Not surprisingly, now that there was no guarantee of Shindou coming back to play him, he seriously did miss his company. Not just because he had feelings for his rival, but because he _was_ his rival, and not knowing when he might be able to play him next - or if he could play him informally at all any more - was disquieting.

"I'm not the one who should try to keep from worrying, I think." Ichikawa chuckled a bit, and looked back over her shoulder as she turned to leave. "No need to think so much, Akira-kun - it's not necessary all the time, you know."

"I suppose." He wasn't sure if she caught that; he'd said it slowly and softly, and she was already returning to her post at the front entrance.

It probably didn't matter.

Delusions didn't make sense, Akira realized, taking a tentative sip of the steaming liquid. The way Shindou played and the way Sai played were very similar - but it had seemed so much like two different people, which was why the early games he'd had with Shindou had never quite fit in with the way he played now. What Shindou had said, about Sai being his teacher - that made sense. The similarities and differences in style fit neatly if he considered the teacher-student aspect - at least if they'd spent as much time together during that three-year period as Shindou claimed. And the way he'd improved so rapidly, from when Akira had played him in the third-board match to the game between them after he'd started playing again…

If he had someone as good as Sai, who tutored him constantly, who played through him, putting Shindou in a position to see everything he did as he did it…

The teacup in Akira's hands was starting to wobble dangerously as his fingers trembled, and he had to put it down before he spilled it. He took the time to blink down at the board several times, concentrating on keeping his breathing even.

__

It can't be… It shouldn't _be…but -_

But it made sense. It made _perfect_ sense.

And he couldn't think of anything else that would explain everything so neatly and leave no unanswered questions.

__

Shindou was telling the truth!

Akira had to brace both elbows on the table and rest his forehead on his knuckles for a minute, trying not to look too much like he was having a breakdown of some sort. It was as overwhelming as it was relieving, to finally understand the mystery behind his rival. _It's unbelievable… It really is -_

But then, Shindou had always seemed unbelievable.

__

And if he's telling the truth about that…

Perhaps Shindou's reasoning wasn't as random as he tended to make it seem. Akira stared at the table, trying to wrap his mind around the sudden flash of insight he'd been granted into the shorter boy's thought process. Now that he believed the story about Sai, it wasn't hard to imagine that the rest of it was true, too. Which was what Shindou had been thinking all along.

It was one of those desperate plays, to try and turn around a losing game. The look in Shindou's eyes…

__

He really is desperate for help. Akira leaned back in his seat again, letting his hands slide back down to his lap. _His only chance to get it was from me._

And the way he'd been acting - the nervous glances over his shoulder, the dark circles, the way he didn't seem to want to be alone any more…

Akira shut his eyes, then opened them again almost right away, eyebrows coming down.

__

And it's my turn to respond.

((()))

There were a couple of kids playing on the jungle gym, but the slide was deserted, so Hikaru took it over. He was getting some funny looks from the kids' mothers, but that was no big deal.

It was late afternoon, and he was in a safe place. At least, as safe a place as he could really get to.

The playground was Hikaru's place of retreat - because of how much time he'd spent there when he was younger, it was familiar, and there were some good thinking spots for when he needed one.

The slide was a personal favorite.

There was something calming about being there, with the kids laughing in the background, and their parents talking off to the other side. The atmosphere seemed to defend him against the ghost and its constant presence weighing on his mind. With his arms tucked over his chest and his head tilted back against the slide, he felt more relaxed than he had for a long time.

__

I'm tired…

Hikaru's eyes slid shut, and the noise around settled into a far-off humming as his mind took the opportunity to settle slowly down into dozing mode.

So, he was only marginally awake when a set of steady footsteps marched in his direction and came to a halt right beside his slide.

"Shindou."

"Mm…?" That was his brain acting on auto-pilot. There seemed to be a warning signal of some sort going off at the back of his head… Hikaru opened one eye and looked up at the somewhat fuzzy image of his rival standing over the slide. _Because when I last saw Touya, I was -_

"WAH! T-Touya!" Scrambling to jolt into a sitting position, Hikaru almost fell off the slide. He did manage to lose his footing and slide down to fall on his backside gracelessly. "Why are you always showing up out of nowhere!?" he managed to gasp out with a half-hearted glare, pushing himself wearily back up onto the slide. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to - well." Touya's expression was a bit uncertain; he glanced over in the direction of the two mothers. "Can we go somewhere we can talk?"

Hikaru leaned back on the slide, letting out a long-suffering sigh. He _really_ didn't feel like moving any time soon. "We can talk here, can't we?"

"I meant somewhere a little more private." 

Some other time, Hikaru might've been willing to concede in the face of Touya's discomfort - but right then, he wasn't feeling all that cooperative. He was tired and cranky, and he still felt irrationally angry with Touya for not believing him about Sai and the ghost. 

__

Why should I have to move anyway, just because he wants to talk?

"It's private! No one can hear us. Go ahead."

Touya was quiet for a moment. "All right," he agreed, in a more conciliatory tone. "I suppose I can't blame you for being upset with me."

Hikaru hadn't been expecting that. He turned to look up at Touya again. "Huh?"

"I've been thinking about what you said two days ago." The taller boy offered a small, almost wry smile that did not look at all like an expression he would normally wear. "I can't think of another explanation that makes sense, and I - " He paused for a moment, and Hikaru pushed himself almost into something that resembled a sitting position, recognizing the intensity in Touya's eyes as something he normally only saw during a game. "I can't help but think I should believe you."

For a moment, Hikaru was speechless.

__

He believes me? After that negative response? He believes _me now?_

It was almost too good to be true.

"Then… about Sai? You know the truth." He swallowed, watching for a sign that this was an insincere apology. "Don't mess with me about this; it's important, you know."

Touya didn't flinch. "I know."

Relief rushed through Hikaru, like a wave wiping off all the horrible thoughts he'd been having for the past few days. Touya believed him. He wasn't alone any more. "Does this mean you'll help me?"

"I wouldn't have come all the way here to tell you this if I didn’t plan on helping you," Touya said, with some of his usual condescending tone creeping back into his voice. He half-turned away from the slide, and looked back. "You can stay at my place for the night, and we'll get started on figuring out what to do."

"When did I say you could start giving me orders?" Hikaru scowled up at his rival - but pushed himself up off the slide all the same. He kept a suspicious gaze aimed at the taller boy even as they walked. "Just what are you planning on, anyway?"

Touya met that gaze for just a brief moment. "Something you wouldn't have thought of."

((()))

"Research."

Hikaru looked from the computer screen Touya had just sat himself down in front of to his rival's face, and back again. "'Research'?" he repeated, baffled.

"I'm a little surprised you never thought to try this." The taller boy turned the computer on and leaned back to look at Hikaru, who was still standing. "It would be the first thing I'd think of. Bring a chair over, Shindou - unless you want to stand there and watch me."

"Oh - yeah." Hikaru was too interested in what Touya might be about to come up with to protest being ordered around. He found a folded chair beside the shelf where his rival kept the futons and blankets that he apparently used for sleeping and plunked himself down at Touya's left side to watch him log on.

The room was different from Hikaru's - Touya's whole house was different, actually. It was a different style, and definitely on a different level as far as expense was concerned. But Touya's room was different because he had different belongings from Hikaru, and not for much of any other reason. He had his own computer where Hikaru had a TV, VCR, and DVD player; he slept on a futon rather than a bed; and he had books instead of manga. Most of those books, the shorter boy couldn't help but notice, had something to do with Go. Only a few of them were fictional.

Coincidentally, though, his window faced roughly the same direction Hikaru's did.

"What kind of research can you do on a computer, anyway?" It was interesting to watch Touya move with confidence to operate this machine that Hikaru had never had the patience to learn about.

"Haven't you ever used the Internet to look something up?" Touya didn't bother to turn as he said that; with a few clicks of the mouse, he'd manipulated the computer into serving him obediently. "I'll show you right now, but if you're going to spend more time here, I'll be able to do all of this for you anyway."

"I know some of it." Hikaru followed the pointer's progress on the screen with his eyes. "I played Go at the Internet café - well, I wasn't the one who played, but I had to use the computer." It still felt weird to talk about Sai around Touya - he couldn't get used to the fact that it wasn't a secret any more.

Touya did turn at that, fixing him with an unreadable stare. The light in his room was a bit dull, and his face seemed outlined - clearer, somehow. His eyes were dark and strongly defined, almost luminescent. "I forgot about that," he said, after a minute.

For whatever reason, it was hard to meet his gaze; Hikaru looked away, feeling awkward without knowing why. His stomach was in knots. "Are you sure it's okay for me to just stay over? Your parents got back from China, didn't they?"

"Yes, but they didn't stay long - they're in Beijing now." Touya seemed okay with turning back to the computer as if nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had - it had just been a look, after all. "There's plenty of room here."

Hikaru swallowed, trying to focus on the screen. He didn't like the idea of being put into another room and left alone again - he was sick of being alone at all, with that shadow always behind him, playing tricks. "But it's okay if I stay in this room, right?"

Touya's fingers seemed to twitch a bit against the mouse, but there wasn't anything out of place in his expression. "I didn't say I'd ask you to sleep somewhere else," he answered, clicking on a search box and moving his fingers to the keyboard. "That's the reason you're spending the night - so you won't sleep alone. Isn't it?"

__

What answer is he expecting? For some reason, Hikaru felt that it wasn't the one that he ended up giving. "Uh… yeah."

"Of course." Touya clicked on the search button and leaned back in his seat a bit, but didn't take his eyes from the screen.

__

What was that about?

There wasn't time to think about that, though. "These seem to be mostly homepages for supernatural investigations," Touya began, surveying the list that had come up on the screen. "But there's bound to be something here that we can use."

"Supernatural investigations?" Hikaru frowned at the screen. Sure enough, that was what the little descriptions seemed to say. "I don't believe it! People actually make _money_ off looking for ghosts? I thought that was just a movie thing!"

"It's probably not quite the same as you're thinking it is." Touya moved the screen down, briefly scanning the links. "Here's something." He moved the mouse over and clicked.

A new page filled up the screen. "'Common Variations on Spiritual Manifestations'," he read off the top. "What's this?"

"Different types of ghosts," Touya explained, glancing over at him briefly. "I thought if we could discover what type of spirit you have haunting you, it might help us find a way to get rid of it."

An abrupt, very cold shiver went down Hikaru's spine - like his insides had been doused with icy water. He shivered, and automatically tucked his arms across his chest, even knowing it wouldn't do any good.

__

I guess it didn't like that _…_

Touya was staring at him, looking concerned. "Do you need a blanket?"

"Won't help." Hikaru tried to shrug it off, scooting his chair closer to the screen in an attempt to keep his mind occupied. "So click on the links, and find out what's haunting me."

It was slow going. The list had the name of at least two dozen types of manifestations, and only two or three words to describe each one. It was hard to determine just from that whether or not the type matched Hikaru's personal ghost, so they were obliged to click on almost every link and read the description.

"This is way more than I ever wanted to know about ghosts." Hikaru leaned his forehead on his hand, more than a little annoyed with how slow their progress had been. "I think my head's about to explode."

"You could try to be more patient." Touya clicked on another link - one marked 'Silky'. "This is for your benefit, after all."

"Can't we just get to the part about exorcism or whatever?" Hikaru looked up, and blinked at the screen. "What the hell? 'A ghost that does housework'? Who comes up with this stuff?"

Touya turned to give him a slightly exasperated look. "Shindou, you've been haunted by two ghosts, and you're accusing others of making these things up? You of all people should know that it could very well be true."

"Well, yeah, but come on! A ghost doing housework!" He couldn't help but snicker into his hand. "I need one of those at my house to do my chores."

The taller boy said nothing to that, but his lips were twitching. "Let's look at some more," he suggested, backing up to the screen from before.

Hikaru groaned, slouching back down again with his face on his hand.

They were on the third entry from the bottom when they finally found something that at least sounded _similar_ to whatever was bothering him.

"Apparitions," Touya read, "can move through walls, cast shadows, and their reflection can be seen in a mirror." He looked over at Hikaru. "Didn't you say that you only see this thing in mirrors?"

"Yeah…" Hikaru perked up, peering hopefully at the screen. "It doesn't cast shadows or anything, but I'll bet it can move through walls. Look at this - sometimes they give sensations of chills! This is it!" There was something relieving about being able to classify the problem he was facing. "Apparition. I've got an apparition. Okay!"

Touya was still studying the screen. "It says that most seem to have a purpose, such as communicating a message." He quickly scanned through the rest of the information. "It's called a 'Collective Apparition' when the agent and recipient can see each other. This seems to be the closest thing we've found."

Hikaru looked back toward the computer again. A thought had just occurred to him… "You know," he said, with more seriousness than he'd felt seconds ago, "this could probably describe Sai too, in a way."

Touya turned to look at him, and there was something sympathetic in his expression. "I don't think it'd be so easy to place Sai," he pointed out, keeping his voice cool and practical. "From everything you've told me, he seems unique."

It wasn't so easy to look away from him then, and Hikaru somehow didn't think he'd want to if he could. One side of his mouth started tugging upward without his conscious control. "Thanks," he said, and meant it.

For a completely awkward moment, they just sat there and stared at each other.

__

I never noticed before, but Touya's eyes have a lot of green in them.

And Touya's skin was pale… smooth…

__

Wait… What am I thinking? Am I going crazy? Hikaru coughed and turned away, feeling oddly embarrassed and hoping the way his cheeks burned wasn't making his face red enough so it would be noticeable. _What was that, anyway? Just staring at him like that… Why was I - ?_

"Er - well." Touya's voice was slow and awkward, as if he were as unsure as Hikaru what to say next. For him, that wasn't so unusual, but his clumsy conversation skills seemed more obvious right at that moment. "We should try and find a way to solve your problem, then," he said, just a bit too quickly, and moved the screen down to find more links.

"Uh… yeah." Hikaru leaned forward again so that he could focus on the screen without having to look at Touya. The moment seemed to have gone by and taken its discomfort with it, but he was going to have to wait until his heartbeat slowed. _All I did was look at him…_ "Is there anything on here?"

"Hm…" Touya had already made his way to another page. "They have 'séance' and 'rappings' listed for communication with spirits. Or Ouija boards," he added, after a moment.

"'Séance'?" Hikaru repeated, forgetting his previous embarrassment in favor of incredulity. "You think I want to sit around with a bunch of crazies holding hands and chanting? And there's no way I'm playing around with Ouija boards! That's for kids!" He frowned at the screen, a little disgruntled by the lack of anything that sounded useful. "What's 'rappings'?"

Touya clicked on the link. "Thumping or tapping caused by spirits," he said, before Hikaru had a chance to read it himself. "It was supposed to be a method of communication for them. Easy to fake, though," he added, thoughtfully.

"Huh! That's no good." Hikaru slid to the edge of his seat, impatient. "Go back and find something different."

"If you want to communicate, there isn't anything else." Touya turned to frown at him, clearly getting annoyed himself. "You shouldn't be so quick to mock something you don't understand. For people like this, it's important."

"Then people like that can go ahead and use it - I'm not going to some dumb séance." Hikaru scowled back. "Anyway, I don't want to communicate with it at all! I want to get rid of it!"

That was the wrong thing to say; he realized it immediately, as a kind of roaring like water drowned out Touya's retort and his body felt as if it'd been dunked in ice. It was painful, like being stabbed all over - he tried to struggle, but all it did was make him sink further. He couldn't breathe; he was suffocating - and the wild thrashing of his limbs did nothing to get him closer to the surface…

"Shindou!"

Hikaru's eyes shot open almost without his consciously willing it; for a second he expected them to sting from the water. But there wasn't any water; he was in Touya's room, and he was dry.

He was also on Touya's floor, with Touya holding his wrists to keep him from flopping all over the place, and he was shivering and out of breath, as if he'd been swimming underwater in the cold.

"T-T-To - To… " His teeth were chattering too hard to get his rival's name out.

The taller boy seemed to realize then that he wasn't going to struggle and let go of him, but remained in his kneeling position on the floor, his face displaying more than little concern. "Are you all right? It looked like you had some sort of fit…"

Hikaru took in several long, shaking breaths, and managed to calm himself enough to push up into a sitting position. To one side, his chair was overturned, and Touya's was halfway across the room - as if he'd jumped up and pushed it back in a hurry.

__

He was worried about me.

Well, who wouldn't be, with someone suddenly falling over their chair and thrashing around on the floor? "W-Wat-t-ter," he managed to stutter out, rubbing furiously at his hands and arms. It seemed to help a bit, but he was still freezing!

__

That ghost… did it just take over my mind?

That thought was nearly as frightening as the cold water had been. Hikaru was finding it hard to figure out what was making him shiver any more.

A hesitant hand settled on his shoulder; Touya hovered beside him as if he wasn't sure whether or not his touch or presence was welcome. "Are you sure you don't want something, like a blanket or a heating pad? It might help."

His teeth weren't chattering quite so hard; strangely, Touya's gesturing was calming. "Probably not," he got out, and let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair. "But maybe I'd like a blanket." At least it would give him something to hold on to.

Touya was up immediately, pulling down the requested item from his shelf. Hikaru took the opportunity to pick up his chair, although his fingers were still trembling badly. It was better to have something to think about, though - by the time Touya turned around with the blanket, he was back in his original seat.

"What happened?" It didn't make him feel any warmer to have the blanket draped over his shoulders, but the weight of it was comforting. Touya pulled the computer chair back over and sat down, not taking his eyes away as he waited for an answer.

"I was underwater." Hikaru pulled the blanket around his numb hands, and started again, trying to make himself clear. "I mean, it suddenly felt like I was. Underwater, that is. I couldn't breathe, and it was freezing cold… it felt like being stabbed by knives." A last, cold shudder went through him, and he felt his body go lax, starting to warm up normally. He couldn't feel the ghost hovering around him, and the respite was a huge relief.

__

I must've been pretty tense, just now.

Touya was quiet for a while, but even without looking up, Hikaru could feel his eyes on him. "I wonder… If this is someone's spirit, I wonder if that might be how they died."

"Drowning?" After what he'd just experienced, that was a frightening thought. Hikaru shuddered again, shutting his eyes. _Imagine having to die like that, in freezing cold water, struggling to breathe…_

"That was how Sai died, too," he realized out loud, feeling an odd lump in his stomach. "He drowned himself in a river."

There was another pause - not as long this time - and then Touya spoke again. "Do you think about him often?"

"All the time," Hikaru admitted, opening his eyes and leaning his face on his knuckles again to look sideways at the taller boy. "No one else knows he existed, right? But he was _my_ friend. Even if I wasn't always the best friend…" He had to pause, swallow, and start speaking again to keep up a normal-sounding voice. "Anyway, he deserves to have _someone_ remember him."

Thankfully, Touya didn't bother with anything useless like 'it wasn’t your fault' or 'you shouldn’t feel guilty'. "It's not just 'someone'," he said, instead. "Even though I didn't know him personally, I'll remember him. And I'm sure the others he played on the Internet will remember, too - his name and the way he played, at least. The legendary 'Sai', who defeated Touya Kouyou in an even match."

Despite himself, Hikaru smiled. "That's true, isn't it? But your dad could've won."

"He didn't, though. That's what people will remember." For a moment, he got a rare smile from Touya in return, and then the taller boy's gaze slid away, averting another awkward silence. "Let's keep looking."

__

Touya… thank you.

It wouldn't say everything, but it was enough for right then.

Once again, Touya navigated through a series of pages, clicking on links and choosing paths that led to different places. "Here's something," he said, after a moment. "'Spiritual Protection' - that should be useful, shouldn't it?"

"I guess for now. I still need to find out how to - " Hikaru deliberately avoided the words 'get rid of it' or anything that sounded like them. "You know. Anyway, what does it say here?"

"It has a few suggestions." Touya leaned back in his seat again, still holding the mouse and with his eyes scanning over the text. "It's a good idea to keep something silver on you, it says. And there are different types of charms you can buy, but it's hard to tell which are truly authentic."

"'Charms'?" Hikaru repeated, and squinted at the screen. "Does it say where you can get them? Or have pictures or something?" He didn't see anything but white words on a black, starry background.

"I think it might." Touya moved the page down some more. "Here, they have a few - what?"

The computer screen had gone suddenly blank.

"Huh?" Hikaru frowned, staring at it. "It stopped working."

"That's strange…" Touya reached down to try and press something on the main part of his computer.

And the lights went out.

"A power outage?" Hikaru leaned back in his seat and turned to look up at the light in Touya's room. The sun had set already, but there was just enough moonlight so that, once his eyes adjusted, he was able to see reasonably well. Particularly on the far wall…

"We might have blown a fuse - of course, I can't tell if the neighbors have power, from here." Touya stood up and pushed his chair back. "I suppose I should check before I go try to figure it - Shindou?"

His voice almost drowned out the sound of wood carving; Hikaru shut his eyes, determined not to look. _Even around Touya… it…_

__

What does it want from me?

"Shindou…" He could hear Touya sitting back down. "Are you - ?"

"It's doing it again," he interrupted, feeling his hands curling into fists in his lap. "Carving things into the wall - it's in your room now. I can see it - I can hear it! It won't leave me alone! It won't - "

"Shindou." That was Touya interrupting - and the tone wasn't sympathetic or gentle. "If it's doing something over on the wall, then look at me."

Hikaru's head shot up, eyes going wide as he turned his gaze toward his rival. "Touya…"

"Don't look away." And that was definitely an order; immediately, Hikaru bristled. "Just look at me, and don't look away - you've been doing that all the time you were chasing me, weren't you?" Touya talked right over whatever he might use as an objection, eyes fierce. "If not, you haven't repaid my determination well. Are you my rival or not?"

"Of course I am!" How could he keep quiet about something like _that_? "You said you wouldn't look back at me, and I made you do it! I won't let you look away again!"

"In that case…" Touya matched him in intensity, effectively locking that gaze. "You can't take your eyes away from me for a second. So don't look away."

"That's what I'm saying, I won't - " Hikaru's thoughts came to a halt and he stopped talking in mid-retort, blinking. "Huh? It stopped."

"That's good." Abruptly, Touya's manner changed; he leaned back in his seat with a small smile, eyes softening. There was a different sort of look to it in the dim light, as if his lighter skin and eyes were outlined and his hair was covered up in shadows. "I'll get some candles, and we can play Go. All right?"

__

That… Should he be grateful for being distracted, or indignant that he'd just been tricked? Hikaru leaned back with a sigh, then shook his head. _I guess there's no point in worrying about it, is there?_ "All right. Let's go get them together."

__

But still, I'm glad I'm with Touya right now.

((()))

Akira wasn't sure what it was that woke him up. He was sleeping, as usual, on a futon, and Shindou was a few feet away on the spare. It could've been the fact that he had company and that somehow made it more difficult to sleep. It also could've been the fact that, when he opened his eyes, he found his rival lying there staring at him fixedly.

__

What is he…?

"Shindou," he mumbled, blinking a bit and trying to wake himself up more completely. "You're still awake?"

The shorter boy didn't bother to answer that - of course, it was a fairly obvious question. "You said to look at you," he reminded Akira, voice oddly hushed. "If it bugs you, I won't."

"No… it's fine." He was starting to become more conscious - the tenseness of Shindou's shoulders and the tightening around his eyes and mouth were more apparent, even with the lack of light. _He still can't sleep, even with me here._ "I just couldn't sleep for some reason."

Shindou propped himself up on an elbow and let out a long breath, like a sigh. "Make that two of us," he admitted, running his free hand through his hair. "What time is it, anyway?"

Akira copied his pose, putting himself at a better angle to read the numbers on his clock. "Just past one."

"Only one?" Shindou sighed again, and flopped back down onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Seems like it's been longer than that."

He seemed more relaxed, with the conversation. Akira settled in a bit more, trying to find a position that wouldn't let him fall back asleep easily. "Is it like this for you every night?"

"Yeah." The shorter boy turned his head to look at him again. "I thought it'd be easier here, but you fell asleep so quickly, and I couldn't manage it."

That made him feel a bit guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Huh? Oh - don't worry about it." Shindou smiled a bit. "It's not as freaky since I'm not alone. It's just hard to sleep, with so much on my mind." His face turned serious again, and he started toying with one corner of his blanket, almost absently. "I can't help but wonder what it wants from me. I worry about it, that's all."

__

Just from what you've said… "I would worry, too."

"Mm, I guess anyone would." Shindou's fingers halted; he let his hands rest on his chest, but kept his face turned sideways, studying Akira with partly-lidded eyes. "What do you think it wants?"

__

He's tired. Akira hesitated for a minute, recognizing the symptoms of fatigue in his rival's speech and posture. _If I keep him distracted, he might manage to get some rest._ "Is it possible that it just wants company?"

"My company?" A tired laugh was the response to that. "Why would it want that?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

The counter-question seemed to catch Shindou off-guard. "Um…" He looked a bit confused for a moment, then seemed to give up on it. "Maybe, I guess." He made an attempt to say something else, and was interrupted by a wide yawn. "Oh, sorry."

"It's okay." Akira could feel the corners of his mouth tugging up. It was interesting, to see Shindou like this - it certainly appealed to him. There was something irresistibly charming about a person this close to nodding off, and Shindou had been charming enough already - at least, in his eyes. "You must be tired."

"Mm… uh-huh…" Shindou's eyelids fluttered a few times, before giving in to the compulsion and shutting. He let out a long, slow breath, as if releasing something he'd been unintentionally holding onto.

"What were you trying to say just now?"

"Mm…"

"Shindou?"

Loud, steady breathing was his answer.

__

He's asleep, then. Allowing himself a slight smile, Akira resettled himself under his own covers to get back to what he'd been doing before Shindou had woken him.

There would be enough time to talk once they'd both gotten some well-needed rest.

((()))

Akira's usual hours were 'early to bed, early to rise', and he normally managed a decent amount of sleep in that period. Most times, he was in bed before ten, and up before seven. Because of school, it had come to be a habit, and now with matches sometimes being scheduled for early in the morning, he felt it was a good habit to keep up. That was not to say that he didn't occasionally stay up late playing or studying - or even spending time out - but normally, he was up in time to catch the end of the sunrise.

So, when he woke up to find the sun already shining brightly into his room and the glowing numbers on his clock proudly displaying '9:12 AM', he was feeling more than a little groggy.

__

I've slept too late… It wasn't a matter of having anything to do - it was Sunday, and he hadn't made plans - but it upset his timetable, and that wasn't a good idea. Akira rubbed at his eyes, and blinked a few times, staring at the figure lying in a heap of blankets at his right blankly.

__

Shindou…

Of course - he'd stayed over. Akira propped himself up on his elbows and shook his head, turning back to look at his houseguest again with a smile. _It looks like he managed to get some sleep, anyway - that's good._

It meant he was able to help, at least somewhat.

Some time during the night, Shindou must have flopped over onto his side; he was lying that way then, with his face turned toward Akira and arms loosely slumped in front of him. Because they hadn't bothered to take a side trip to his house to get his things, Shindou was wearing a set of Akira's pajamas, which fit him well enough despite a slight difference in their heights. The ones that Akira had given him were dark green, with short sleeves, and they buttoned down the front. While he was sleeping, the top two buttons had managed to come undone, and the neckline dipped over his chest. Shindou's skin held the faint memory of a tan, and if he looked hard, he could see the edges of it, where the outline of the shirts he normally wore was still imprinted.

Unconsciously, Akira licked his lips.

Shindou was undeniably attractive - that was the thing that had first drawn Akira's thoughts about him past the point where they could be credited to the rivalry or even friendship between them. Physically, his feelings were overwhelming - a source of even more confusion in a time when his hormones were already troublesome. The more he played Shindou, though - the more he saw of his mind - the more he found himself mingling his admiration with his more basic desire. He fantasized about getting physical with him at the same time as he strived towards understanding him. At the point when he found himself unable to think of anything but knowing more about Shindou - even the smallest detail - he had to come to the realization.

Whether or not it would - or could - work out, Shindou Hikaru had become his first love.

And if they kept playing each other - which they would; there was no doubt about that - Akira could see with a morbid sort of certainly that this would also end up being his only love.

Unrequited. Hopeless. Forbidden. He knew the romantic terms, and they weren't nearly harsh enough. It was something he wanted to bury in the back of his mind until even he forgot about it. Shameful. Wrong. Unwanted.

But, there it was, and he couldn't get rid of it.

__

I shouldn't think about things like this. Akira shut his eyes. He had invited Shindou into this house to help him with a problem, and to have thoughts like those about someone who trusted him wasn't right. But…

He opened his eyes.

__

But even when he's not right here in front of me, I can't keep this under control. And now…

Temptation could be avoided when others were around - Akira didn't have delusions that he'd be able to touch or kiss Shindou in his father's Go Salon and have it be gracefully accepted by everyone around them. When they were playing, or when he was on the computer, he could distract himself from whatever siren's song drew him to the other boy with just a bit of effort. He'd never found himself in a situation where he couldn’t use _something_ as a deterrent.

Until just then.

Shindou's eyes were closed, his lips parted to allow for the rhythmic breathing that came with deep sleep. There was something so appealing about a pose that Akira could imagine - with a bit of stretching - was in preparation for something more intimate. If he closed the distance and took that invitation…

__

He would push me away. Wipe off his mouth, and demand an explanation. Possibly gag a few times, to prove that it wasn't anything he wanted. The possibility wasn't an appealing one. Akira shut his eyes again, forcing himself to concentrate on his breathing for a moment.

But still…

This was the first time he'd had Shindou in his room - the first time they'd been completely alone together. The first time he'd been fully conscious while his rival was not. The first time he had the advantage, completely.

The first and possibly the last.

__

How often… Akira found himself rolling onto his side, staring at Shindou's face again from a closer visage. _How often will I have such an opportunity?_

Wasn't it better? Shindou's chest rose and fell, his face relaxed, completely separate from the turmoil plaguing his host's mind. Wouldn't it serve him better, to have this resolved? To let go of the hope that this emotion could ever be returned? He was the only one who knew Shindou's secret - there would be little chance of losing his company forever. If he knew for certain that he had no chance, perhaps he could let go of this foolishness. And out of this, he would get, right now…

__

It would be acceptable to kiss him now, if that is all true. 

The possibility had him holding his breath, heart racing. Akira licked his lips again, tracing the outline of Shindou's mouth with his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd wanted something so badly… He could do it!

__

Always before, I told myself that as long as I put everything I have into achieving something, I can be satisfied with my efforts. If I don't try… If he finds someone else, and I never even tried…

Akira pushed himself up, gathering his determination, and crossed what distance was left between them.

__

I won't give up on you without first trying!

"…uh?" Shindou woke up as Akira took hold of his shoulder and pushed him onto his back; his eyes opened just enough to reveal a fraction of sleepy green eyes. "Tou - "

He was given no chance to finish saying the name.

There were a number of things about that first kiss that Touya Akira would remember forever. The slackness of Shindou's shoulders under his hands as he held his unresisting bedmate down. The sharp intake of breath taken through the shorter boy's nose. The way he could see, through his lashes, the edges of Shindou's cheeks and the white space that showed all around the green of his eyes - though it didn't seem like he was seeing much of anything at that moment, no matter how wide they were. The closeness, the smell, the stiffness of his partner… But more than anything else, the warm, wet, yielding softness of Shindou's lips. The kiss was not returned, but it would stay branded into Akira's memory, like a particularly vivid piece of a dream that almost seemed real.

__

Shindou…

It was inevitably Akira who had to pull back first, as the other boy didn't seem able to push him off - or move at all, really. And when he backed away, ridding them both of that tenuous shared warmth, Shindou sucked in a long breath and stared at him with a hazy, almost confused kind of shock that could only come from being awoken by his rival with an unexpected and not-so-innocent session of mouth-to-mouth.

There was the unavoidable awkward silence.

Then Shindou spoke - slowly, warily, as if he weren't sure of the truth of what he was saying. "That… wasn't a dream, just now. Was it?"

Somehow, in between the racing of his own heart and the way his skin prickled in anticipation of an attack, Akira found more nerve than he'd given himself credit for. "How often do you dream that I kiss you?"

"Um…" Shindou blinked several times, still staring at him as if he expected Akira to lean back and say 'Surprise - it was all a big joke.' "I guess… Never."

That answer hurt more than it should have. "I'm sorry," Akira said, after another poignant pause. He sat up, out of the semi-hovering position he'd been in over Shindou up until then. It suddenly felt embarrassing to be close to his rival, and he wanted to get to a place where there was no chance of accidentally touching him.

It was frustrating to have an unrequited desire for someone he shouldn't, and to have to keep it hidden. But it was utterly humiliating when they knew, and Akira realized - now that he'd experienced both - that the second was easily the worse emotion.

__

I could have lived with frustration…

"Wait a minute!" Shindou abruptly sat up after him as Akira started to rise from his futon, grabbing the sleeve of his pajama shirt to prevent the movement. "Where are you going? You're not leaving me here alone, are you? I thought you said you'd help me!"

A kind of self-righteous anger took over for his embarrassment. "I have to shower, if you must know," he retorted, shaking free of Shindou's hold and turning to glare at him. "And I'm sorry if I find it uncomfortable to be around someone who just rejected me. Give me some time, please."

"So you’re just going to leave me alone with a ghost?" Typically enough, Shindou immediately got angry in return; it was a reaction that left Akira thinking he wanted to either laugh or cry – he couldn’t really be sure of which. "What if it wants to kill me or something? And anyway, when did I say rejection? Did you hear me say ‘I reject you’? Because I didn’t hear it, and I think _I_ would know if I said it!"

The retort he’d been planning to come back with caught in his throat, so harshly that Akira almost choked on it. In less than a minute, he’d just gone from humiliation to anger to a sick hurt, and the emotions made his head swim, reminding him sharply that it hadn’t been so long since he’d woken. The image of Shindou, sitting in _his_ room wrapped in one of _his_ blankets, with blond bangs ruffled, clothing disheveled, and green eyes fierce, was close to being physically painful to him.

All he wanted to do right then was get away.

"I'm going."

"Wait - _Touya_!" Unfortunately, Shindou didn't seem willing to cooperate, immediately trying to leap up and lunge after him. Even more unfortunately, the blanket was just as uncooperative as the person it was wrapped around, and caught at the shorter boy's legs as he tried to rise and move forward at the same time. "You - AH!"

Instinctively, Akira turned, and the whole farce ended with Shindou crashing into him with enough force to send them both back down to the floor.

For a very long moment, they stayed right where they were.

Shindou's face was half on top of the taller boy's ribcage and half on his stomach. They were both breathing hard; Akira could feel his heart racing, and just below it, Shindou's halting exhalations against the lower part of his chest. The closeness, the excitement, and still-fresh memories of the kiss forced a reaction out of him that he wasn't fully prepared to deal with, and there was no hiding it from the boy on top of him, not with their positions. Akira turned his head from side to side, feeling completely helpless and not liking it in the slightest.

"Get off me." That didn't come out with nearly as much authority as he'd hoped; his voice wobbled embarrassingly, too. He swallowed, and tried again when there was no immediate response. "Shindou… get off."

"No."

'No' was not the answer Akira had been expecting to get. "What?"

Shindou braced himself on the floor with one hand on either side of Akira; he made a frustrated noise, as if he was talking to a particularly dense child. "What do you think?" he asked crossly, gaining enough leverage to pull himself up to eye level. 

And then plant his lips firmly onto Akira's without further hesitation.

At that moment, Akira got a sudden, sharp insight into what Shindou must have been thinking when he'd given in to that mad impulse and kissed him awake. Being kissed out of nowhere was not quite the same as being the one kissing someone out of nowhere. This time, Shindou's lips were as soft and eager as he could've hoped for, and all he could manage as a reaction was to go stiff with shock.

__

Shindou… Shindou is…

In almost exactly the same instant that thought made its attempt to run through his head, Shindou suddenly eased back, slowly enough so that Akira could stare up into his eyes as he did and experience a dizzying rush when he realized that he was being stared right back at.

__

This is really happening. He is - Shindou is…

"Uh… first time I've done that." There was some lingering confusion in Shindou's eyes, and he looked at Akira imploringly, as if he weren't really sure how to proceed from there. "I - uh - I mean, I'm not sure - that is…" A slow flush was spreading over his cheeks. "If you want to do something like that again, I'd be - "

Akira's halted thought process began running properly again somewhere halfway through that; he pushed himself up with one elbow quickly, used his free hand to cup the back of Shindou's head, and gave in to the same urge that had overcome him moments earlier.

His rival's reaction time was much faster than before.

For all the awkwardness and uncertainty, Akira found that learning to kiss someone was definitely a pleasant experience. Shindou's mouth was soft, hot, and eager; he allowed Akira to pull him back down and make the first tentative attempts to get his tongue involved. The kisses sent firy shivers down his spine and over the rest of his body. It wasn't only that, though - he was allowed the privilege now of sliding his arms around Shindou's waist. He was _holding_ Shindou. As tightly as he wanted, with as much desire as he could muster; Shindou was in his arms, and they were kissing, on the floor, in Akira's _bedroom_ , with the blankets they'd slept in still strewn about.

__

And it is really happening.

The shorter boy broke the kiss after some time, took a moment to stare down at Akira with dazed, half-lidded eyes, and then blurted out, "So, you've probably kissed a lot of people. Right?"

It was a little hard to think, but with Shindou's face less than a breath from his, he could live with this sort of mental block. "You're the first." His voice was quiet; there was a tiny irrational corner of his mind that seemed to think loud noises might scare the other boy off.

__

It's real. It's not going to stop. Still, it was hard for that to completely sink in; he'd spent far too long already under the impression that this sort of contact would be impossible.

__

And now…

"Really? No way…" Shindou shifted to stare at him incredulously. He didn't seem to realize that his fingers were still clenched around the sleeves of Akira's pajamas. "But it seems like you know what you're doing - or maybe I'm just really lost…"

"It seems like I know what I'm doing?" Akira couldn't help but repeat that, slowly. With his gaze still locked with Shindou's, he couldn't help but notice his own insecurity being mirrored back at him. "Well… I have thought about it… Other than that, I'm not really sure. Do I really seem so confident?"

"Ah, sort of." One corner of Shindou's mouth tugged upward; with some hesitance, he leaned down again and planted another slightly clumsy but lingering kiss on Akira's lips. "This feels good," he said, very softly, barely moving away to form the words before returning to the kiss.

"Mm." Akira didn't think he had an answer, even if he were given the chance to reply. There had been none of this awkwardness in his fantasies - no hesitance or issues of inexperience holding them back. But none of the scenes in his imagination had ever come close to making him this deliriously happy.

__

He's real. It's really Shindou. No amount of imagined ecstasy could compare to that one simple fact. There was a warm confidence that came with having the person he wanted to be with return his desire with the same sort of strength.

__

Then… I can…

Shindou beat him to it, straddling one of Akira's legs and grinding their hips together. It was easy enough to tell that he wasn't the only one bothered by overactive hormones; his rival's body was as traitorous as his. Akira made another 'mm' sound into Shindou's mouth and slid his hands over the shorter boy's back, pulling him closer and growing increasingly bold with his tongue. The kiss was hot and damp, and Shindou's fingers were clenching and unclenching around his upper arms, and every movement made him clearly, wonderfully aware of the friction that was sending electric-seeming sparks from the hard point between his legs.

No fantasy could compare to this.

"Ah…" That was almost just a strong exhalation from Shindou as he broke their kiss, breathing heavily. "U-Um… Touya…"

"Shindou…" _Was that really my voice?_ It hadn't sounded like something that would come out of his mouth. And apparently Shindou thought so, too - he let out a low breath and stared down with heavy-lidded eyes.

The sight - especially from inches away - was beautiful.

"Uh… ah… I mean… Touya…" Shindou sucked in a sharp breath, and blundered on. "Weren't you going to go have a shower? I could use one too, you know…"

Akira halted in the act of leaning up for another kiss - not that it looked like Shindou really wanted to resist, but he couldn't help it. "You're thinking about that at a time like this?"

"Well…" Shindou's face colored, and he pulled back, sliding off of Akira slowly and onto his side next to him. "It's not that I wanted to stop - it's just…" He cast a quick, self-conscious glance over his shoulder, and shivered a bit. "It's… well…"

A sudden, unpleasant understanding dawned in Akira's mind. "I see." With some effort, he pushed himself up, running a shaky hand through his hair. His body was still screaming demands at him, but he was going to have to ignore that for now. "Let's stop, then."

"Yeah." Shindou looked no less displeased; there was discomfort written all over his face. He sat up, with a sigh, and copied his rival's example, burying a hand in his hair. "Man…"

Akira was inclined to agree with that.

"So…" Shindou caught his eyes, and flashed a weak smile. "Now what?"

"Now?" It was clear to him what should be done, and as soon as possible. "I'm going back on the computer." He pushed himself to his feet.

"Eh? The computer?" Shindou scrambled up after him. "Before you have a shower?"

"Yes." Akira turned the computer on and spun to look at the shorter boy, forcing himself not to be distracted by the appealingly rumpled image he made. This was important, after all.

"We are finding a way to get that ghost away from you as soon as possible!"

((()))

Looking for ghost information was possibly one of the most boring things Hikaru could remember doing outside of school. He wasn't sure if that was mostly because it had been uncomfortable to sit there while he was still cooling off from making out with Touya, or because he wanted to _still_ be making out with Touya - and more than that.

The idea of getting physical with Touya lost a lot of its appeal when you added the fact that whatever was haunting him would get a free show out of it.

__

I guess I'll never be an exhibitionist…

Still, thinking about the morning was enough to make him happy. Hikaru traced his finger over the desk in front of him and smiled a bit. Not that he'd been expecting to wake up just in time for his life-long rival to pin him down and kiss him, but aside from almost giving him a heart attack, it hadn't exactly been unpleasant.

__

Touya's always been the most important person… Somehow, it wasn't a shock to go from 'I want to play against Touya forever', to 'Touya's skin is really smooth', and then to 'Touya just kissed me… and I liked it.'

'A lot.'

__

Maybe I should've been more shocked than I was.

Of course, if he was somehow more 'normal' than Touya, he should have pushed him away and told him not to touch him again.

It was okay, though. Hikaru tried to keep his eyes on the screen, at least enough so that he _looked_ like he was paying attention. He understood Touya well enough to know that this had to be important to him, and honestly, though he hadn't thought much about any kind of romance, he couldn't imagine being with someone who _wasn't_ Touya.

__

So, it's important to me, too.

Hikaru rested his face on his hand, letting out a long, frustrated sigh. "Do we have to do this for much longer?"

Touya didn't take his eyes off the screen. The amount of determination he'd thrown into the whole thing was both flattering and kind of scary. "You want to solve your problem, don't you? We'll keep working until we do."

__

Is he serious? The prospect of spending the rest of the day in front of that computer was - at that point - even less appealing than the thought of sleeping with Touya while a ghost watched them go at it. Hikaru sighed again, slouching forward until he was almost inside Touya's personal space. "You know, we don't _have_ to have sex."

At that, Touya did turn. The meaning in the look on his face was plain.

"I didn't mean _ever_! Geez!"

"Do you have some idea that will make this ghost leave?" Touya turned back to the computer again, adapting the same condescending tone he liked to use when he knew he was right about something. "If so, I'd like to hear it. Otherwise, if you don't bother to do the research, you might just be looking at spending the rest of your life with it."

"I know that!" Hikaru slumped back in his seat, scowling. He didn't like being reminded of that little fact: the prospect of spending the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, avoiding mirrors, and - worst of all - _never_ being able to have sex was definitely not a good one. "But we don't have to spend so much time at this, do we? We could just do maybe an hour or something every day…"

"An hour?" Touya spun in his chair to glare at him. "You must be kidding! How long are you planning to deal with this ghost, anyway? If you don't get serious about it now, you'll end up - !"

"I can handle it! I've dealt with it until now, haven't I?" Hikaru glared right back. This was getting stupid; after all, why would Touya care about this, except for - "You can't wait even a couple of weeks?"

"This isn't about me waiting for anything, Shindou!"

"Yeah, right!" Hikaru crossed his arms, feeling discontented by the whole conversation. "You just want to help me so you can get some. Don't try and deny it, _Touya_ \- why else would you be so determined right now?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Touya's eyes flashed indignantly. "If that were the case, why would I have helped you even when I thought I didn't have a chance of being with you?"

"I - " Hikaru sat up ready to reply to that, and realized he didn't have anything to reply _with_. "I don't like doing research, that's all," he mumbled, slumping back again.

Touya frowned at him for another few seconds, then sighed as well, pushing away from the computer and turning his chair to face Hikaru completely. "Don't you think it's better to do a few hours of research now than spend the next several weeks with that ghost?"

"It's not so bad when I have someone to talk to about it." Hikaru straightened up again, then grinned. "Besides, now that we're together and everything, couldn't we be putting that research time to better use?"

"You're the one who didn't want to do anything while it was still around," Touya reminded him coolly, turning back to the computer again. "If you've changed your mind, I'd like to hear about it. But that doesn't mean we shouldn’t be continuing with - "

"I didn't say I didn't want to do _anything_!" Hikaru protested, interrupting. He leaned forward again. "I just don't want it watching us if we're going to _do_ it. You know, I've never done it before, so I'm going to be nervous enough already - haven't you ever heard of 'performance anxiety'?" He leaned his elbows on the desk and turned his face toward the other boy. "I'm kind of hoping for a _good_ first time."

Touya turned again. This time, his face was thoughtful. "I suppose we could take a break," he said, slowly - as if he were considering some idea as he did.

__

A break! Those words were beautiful. "Great!" Hikaru sat up straight again, more than relieved that there would be no more research for a while. "So, now what do you want to - mmph?" His mouth was suddenly busy interacting with his rival's.

__

I wouldn't think Touya would be so forward about this… 

There were several things about Touya that had pleasantly surprised him that morning. He kissed slow, building from a simple brush of lips to something more heated with open mouths and tongues. It was never a perfect kiss - Hikaru was still trying to find a balance between too eager and not aggressive enough - but it felt good, and made him crave more contact. Touya's hands were somewhat hesitantly exploring his thighs, and that felt nice too. He ran his fingers over Touya's waist and hips through the pajamas, and it made them tingle pleasantly. Touya's midsection was narrow and the muscles felt tense under his hands as the taller boy leaned over his chair to make the most of an awkward position. It couldn't be wrong, now, to want to touch him all over. Hikaru let his fingers roam a little more daringly, releasing a surprised, muffled moan against his rival's mouth as the hands on his legs moved up dangerously.

Touya pulled back, breathing erratic. "Should we move back to the futon?" he suggested, thumbs still running lightly over the point where Hikaru's legs attached to his hips. The motion made him shiver, just a bit.

It was also becoming increasingly difficult for Hikaru's mind to catch up to what was going on. "Yeah," he said, slowly, trying to focus, "but… uh…"

"Listen, Shindou." Touya tried a smile, looking just the slightest bit unsure. "You don't want the ghost to see anything, right? That's all?"

__

What's he thinking of? "Yeah, that's all." Hikaru squirmed a bit, more interested in Touya's fingers than in his words just then. He was starting to get hard again, too…

"Then…" There was a slight change in the way Touya looked at him; he wasn't sure if it was in the intensity or if it might be some new emotion he couldn't place. "There is something…"

"Uh?" Hikaru shut his eyes as those teasing fingers slid a little further toward the inner part of his thighs. "Touya," he breathed out, without consciously willing himself to say it. It felt as if every muscle in his body was tensed up.

If anything, Touya's breathing was less steady than before. "Can we… Shindou… ?"

__

Why the hell is he asking _me?_ "Touya… let me up."

"Oh - yes, of course." Touya moved back to sit on the futon. They hadn't bothered to clean up the blankets yet - or anything, really - so the floor looked too messy for the moment to belong in Touya's room.

Hikaru pushed himself off the chair, kneeling down a bit awkwardly beside him. "Okay," he said, summoning up a little more determination - and leaned forward to pick up where they'd left off.

"Mm…" Touya allowed him a few hungry, sloppy kisses, and then pulled back a ways and murmured, "Lie down."

The thing that generally annoyed Hikaru about Touya was that he gave orders like he expected you to do whatever he said without question. It wasn't that he was bossy or anything, but he acted as if it was his right to decide on everything. Like telling Hikaru to lie down so he could probably do unspeakably sexy things to him, expecting the shorter boy to just do what he said and enjoy himself.

Somehow, Hikaru wasn't really interested in arguing this time, though.

Touya immediately stretched out beside him, grabbing one of the blankets that were still messily sprawled across the floor. "This… is what I was thinking of," he said softly, and pulled the blanket over Hikaru's upper torso, ducking under it himself to make his way down, lightly brushing over the pajama-covered skin until his face was about level with -

" _Touya!_ "

((()))

"I still don't see why he has to come with us."

"Waya!" As Hikaru watched, Isumi nudged his friend, glancing apologetically back to where he was walking with Touya. "Don't say things like that so loudly."

"Why not? It's not like _he's_ all that subtle." Waya frowned over his shoulder. He wasn't being particularly hostile, but the set-up clearly bothered him. Probably more because Hikaru hadn't asked before inviting Touya - someone he knew Waya didn't like - along on an afternoon they'd planned ahead of time.

Touya, being Touya, returned the gaze apathetically.

__

Oh, great…

They were hardly even three blocks from Waya's house - where he, Hikaru, and Isumi had agreed to meet before heading out for lunch and then to walk Isumi to a seminar he was signed on for. It was typically nice out and that, plus the fact that he was surrounded by people whose company he liked, made the presence of the ghost almost seem non-existent.

Without Touya, though… It wouldn't be nearly as easy without Touya.

Of course, he couldn't tell the others that, so there was no good reason for him to have brought his rival along. And although Isumi was polite enough to accept the fact without question, Waya was not.

"Have you got a cold or something, Shindou?" Isumi asked, forestalling any more unseen friction between Waya and Touya. He was glancing back over his shoulder again from where he and Waya were walking ahead of them, looking mildly curious. "It's warm to be dressed like that, isn't it?"

"Ah, this?" Hikaru jumped on the subject change - despite the fact that he had to make up a lie to avoid 'well, a ghost is haunting me and it makes the air too cold'. "I've just been cold lately, that's all. Maybe I am coming down with something…"

"Maybe you should get some rest," Touya agreed, backing up his story. He hadn't said much - but that wasn't unusual, since he didn't know Waya and Isumi. And because Waya obviously didn't care for him.

"Yeah, maybe." Hikaru had a feeling the words were sincere, too - last night had been the first time he'd managed to get so much undisturbed rest in a while, and he was grateful to Touya for being the cause of it.

And for… other things.

"Was that why you were so distracted at the study session last night?" Waya seemed to finally have come up with a good way to deal with the Touya situation - ignoring him completely. "Morishita-sensei almost blew up in your face, and you said something like 'that's nice'." He snickered. "I thought you'd totally lost it."

"I had stuff on my mind." Hikaru shrugged, relieved that most of the tension seemed to be wearing off. "Don't worry about it."

"Whatever you say." Waya shrugged. The street slanted somewhat sharply upward just in front of them, just before it came to the train station. The neighborhood was fairly quiet - only a few people were out on the sidewalks, and a couple of cars were parked up near the top of the slope. "Let's cross - the station's on the other side."

Near the top of the hill - beside where the two cars were parked - someone drove up and came to a halt, almost in the middle of the lane.

"We won't have to until we get to the top, will we?" Isumi turned as Waya started crossing, but didn't move to follow.

The single passenger - a middle-aged man - got out of his car, leaving the engine running, and ran up the front path to the house nearest to him.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter when we do - come on." Waya stopped before he'd gotten completely to the other side, and turned to wait for them.

The brakes on the waiting car gave out at that point, and it came barreling down the hill, picking up speed as it did.

"Waya! Look out!"

It was like watching a movie in slow motion. Waya turned at Isumi's shout - first to look back at them, and then to fix a set of wide eyes on the approaching vehicle. He froze for an instant - an instant that lasted way too long for Hikaru - and then turned to make a run for the other side of the street.

By that time, it was too late.

It was the front corner of the car that caught him - almost just a clip - and his body hit the hood with a speed and force that were sharply horrifying, bouncing off sideways onto the street with a sick thud. The car itself kept going until it reached where the street curved and then ran across someone's lawn to crash into the mailbox.

Waya lay where he'd fallen. There was an alarming puddle of blood forming around him.

" _Waya!_ " Isumi was the first one of them to move, dashing across the street to his fallen friend, reaching out tentatively as if to try and move him. "Waya! Oh my god!"

"I'll call an ambulance." Spurred into action by the older boy's reaction, Touya reached into his pocket with obviously shaking hands and pulled out a cell phone - which he immediately started to dial into.

The owner of the car was running down the hill; there were bystanders gathering around where Isumi hovered over Waya. Hikaru was dimly aware of this; he heard, as if in a movie or on the radio, someone telling Isumi, "Turn him over - he'll suffocate!" Over to his side, Touya was telling someone over the phone, "My - My… friend has been hit by a car! We need someone to get here quickly!"

__

My friend has been hit by a car.

My friend has been…

My friend…

__

Waya…

The only thing Hikaru could see clearly was the puddle of oil formed from the drippings of the car - the puddle that something unseen was using to spell out the symbol that could represent his name.


	3. Chapter 3

There were a few other people in the waiting area at the hospital, but it was hard to take notice of them. They were there with other concerns, for other people - they didn't care about Waya.

It smelled rubbery. Hikaru vaguely took note of that, unable to properly focus. For some reason, it seemed strange - like someone had opened a box of rubber gloves, and the smell had spread across the room, forcing itself into the air and creating a dank, quiet atmosphere.

No one talked loudly in there, either.

Isumi was pacing, sort of. He would move to one wall, lean against it for a while, stare off at something with worried eyes, then get up and move to somewhere else. His steps were slow, almost cautious, as if he were afraid to move too quickly, despite a sense of helpless impatience that was present in the way he brought his hands to his face or set them on his hips. He'd been there the longest, having been their unspoken selection to ride along in the ambulance when it came.

He was the one who'd explained to Hikaru, when he and Touya had arrived, what Waya's damage was.

__

"Broken hip," he said, in that typically soft voice that showed respect for the hushed air in the waiting area. "Concussion. Broken ribs. Dislocated shoulder. He's in surgery right now, they have to do - something… about - "

"Will he be all right?" Touya interrupted, when it seemed like Isumi was stumbling too much with his words. His eyes were serious.

Hikaru was quiet. If he's not… It'll be my - It'll be my -

__

__

"They said he will be." Isumi was obviously still shaken, but he was succeeding admirably with keeping his voice more or less steady. "It was the head wound that - that caused all the blood, but - it's nothing serious. Head wounds bleed a lot, they said. He probably knocked it on a sharp rock when he… fell." He clenched his hands together to still the shaking.

"Why is he in surgery?" Touya asked, managing a quiet, concerned tone. He'd been shaken up too - Hikaru had noticed dimly in the part of his brain that wasn't in shock - but he was able to keep his emotions under control now.

It was one of those things a person found either frustrating or admirable about Touya.

"His hip." Isumi took another couple of breaths, and managed a weak smile for them. "It's all right - they said it'd be all right. They won't tell me anything else, because I'm not related. I had to keep asking before they'd even tell me that much." He ran a hand through his hair. "They'll send someone when it's okay to go see him."

Hikaru sat down. He wasn't sure if the relief from finding out that Waya was all right was helping or not.

I caused this. It's my fault. All because of me.

__

After a brief moment's hesitation, Touya joined him on the couch.

It wasn't a very comfortable couch. That was one of the things Hikaru was aware of, somewhere outside of the thick wall of guilt and fear that was blocking out the majority of his mind. The cushions were hard and coated in an uncomfortable plastic coating. It wasn't big enough to fit more than two people, although there was another couch near it with the same kind of cushions, and a couple of wooden chairs. There was also a table in between the two couches, with magazines of various sorts.

Hikaru was not interested in reading, even if he had felt he could.

__

My fault… It did this because of me. It was all because of me.

The fear was the worst part. He couldn't help it, though - thinking about what happened to Waya and what had caused it made him feel like cringing. If it really wanted to, that ghost could probably do something just as bad to him. It was at least as strong as his concern - the fear that the same thing would happen to him - and he hated himself for it. He'd caused Waya's accident, and there he was worried about _himself_. How disgusting was that? What kind of friend was he? What kind of _person_?

Those thoughts made the guilt worse.

Touya was still sitting next to him, not close enough so that they were touching at all, but enough so that he could tell that the taller boy was still there. He was quiet as well, but for Touya, that was normal and not a part of the hospital-quiet. Most likely, he didn't know what to say. It was just as well, because Hikaru didn't know if he'd really feel like replying to anything that Touya had to say just then.

It wasn't nearly as comforting as it had been, to have him there. Maybe Touya was the only one who knew, but even he couldn't understand completely. Hikaru had only vague memories of riding on the subway with him to get there - getting on at the top of the hill, after the ambulance took Waya away; they'd been standing by the doors, holding on to the bars; the silence between them was awkward and strained.

And one thing, Hikaru remembered clearly.

__

"It was my fault."

"What?" He could feel Touya start even as he replied. His voice was surprised. Of course it was, though - those had been the first words of out Hikaru's mouth since the accident.

He hadn't really felt like talking before.

"That ghost…" It was hard to get the words out; Hikaru found himself talking more quietly than he ever had in his entire life. Touya even had to lean forward to hear him. "In the ground - with the… the oil from the car. It was doing the writing thing again."

Touya moved back again, and was quiet for a long while. When he spoke again, his voice was hesitant. "Are you sure that meant…?"

"You heard what they were saying." He stared through the glass on the door, watching the walls outside zip past them. "There's no reason the brakes should give out." Leaning his head on the bar his hand was growing sweaty against, he let out a long, shaky breath. "It can do stuff like that. It's just trying to prove that I'm not safe, no matter what I do. I know it."

Once again, Touya said nothing, but he moved closer and put his hand over Hikaru's on the pole. That was all he could do. The extent of how involved in this he could get.

And Hikaru knew that now.

He was alone.

It was hard to take comfort from having Touya around with that hanging over him.

Isumi did another detour on his route around the room and leaned forward against the wall beside Hikaru's couch, with one hand braced on the wall and the other on his hip. Up close, it was even more obvious how tightly his nerves were wound. He'd had to call the center where the seminar was being held to let them know that he wouldn't be there, but Hikaru couldn't imagine how he'd managed it. He didn't seem capable of properly stringing words together - in a polite way - at the moment.

It was a shock. Not just that Waya was so badly hurt - although that was a big thing. But it had happened so fast… It could've been any of them. It was a fluke accident - at least as far as Isumi was concerned. What if he'd been the one crossing the street? Waya could've been the one out in the waiting area pacing around.

__

It could've been any of them. Hikaru sucked in a breath, feeling himself tense up. _It could've been Isumi or Touya instead of Waya. It could be Waya now, and it could be Isumi tomorrow. It could be Touya in ten minutes. If it could do something like make that car suddenly roll down the hill…_

What else could it do?

Hikaru looked up. One of the light fixtures was set over Touya's head. He lowered his gaze. There was a patient in an automatic wheelchair coming down the hallway. What if Isumi started walking, and it got out of control? What if one of the bulbs blew up and that part of the ceiling came down?

There were so many things! What if Isumi and Touya weren't as lucky as Waya?

What if something went wrong with Waya's operation, right then?

A nurse walked diffidently into the waiting area, and looked around. "Isumi-san?"

Isumi immediately straightened, turning sharply to face her. "Yes?"

She checked her clipboard quickly, as if to confirm. "You're waiting on Waya Yoshitaka, correct?"

__

No… don't say… 

"That's right." Oblivious to Hikaru's sense of impending doom, Isumi took a few earnest steps forward. "Can we see him?"

"He can have visitors. He won't be awake for another few hours, though." Her words and smile dispelled the most immediate of Hikaru's worries. "It'll be on the third floor - turn to your right off the elevator. Room 312."

"Thank you very much!" Isumi hastily bowed to her, and hurried off toward the elevator.

"Thank you very much." Touya stood, echoing Isumi's words, and bowed as well.

She smiled at him as well. "Are you family or friends?"

"Ah… friends." It was obvious Touya wasn't entirely certain about using the word - of course, Waya might not have been especially pleased to hear Touya Akira call him a friend. "Isumi-san left a message with his parents, but from what I know, they aren't likely to get it until later this evening." He hesitated for a moment, then added, "Is everything all right?"

"He's doing fine," she assured him. "The operation went well. You can go visit too, if you like."

"Thank you," Touya said again as she left the room, and turned back toward the shorter boy. "Shindou?"

Still with some consternation, and not trusting his voice at the moment, Hikaru pushed himself off the couch to follow.

((()))

It was true that Waya had never been and likely never would be Akira's friend - the fact that he'd witnessed the accident wasn't likely to endear the older boy toward him. But as he probably would with any person who'd just been struck by a car in front of him, he'd found himself almost obsessively worrying over whether or not things would be all right.

And even more so because this was Shindou's friend.

Isumi had managed to get up an elevator ahead of them, so he was already in the room when the two of them made it there. Strangely, Shindou was hanging a ways behind Akira - it seemed almost like a reversal, of sorts. Shouldn't he be the one lingering behind Shindou? Would Waya even want _him_ visiting?

It struck him as awkward, but there was nothing that could be done about it.

Shindou's older friend was standing by the bed when they got there, as if he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He glanced from the still form on the bed to them, and smiled briefly.

Akira could recall with frightening clarity how his father had looked after his collapse - weaker in a way that seemed a shock. It had made him start to think too much about the fact that the Meijin was older, and no less mortal than anyone else. Some day, he'd be gone, and Akira would still be there. The most terrifying part had been the possibility that it would be _soon_.

Somehow, applying that possibility to someone like Waya - only a year older than him - was at least ten times worse.

Waya was one of those boys with an air about him that he was indestructible - that no matter what the disaster, he could bounce back with little or no difficulty. Even to Akira, it was devastating to see him as he was then, and he didn't know Waya very well. He seemed diminished, somehow - as if he were small again, or the hospital bed were too big for him. There were bandages covering his forehead and a sling to keep his left arm in place; his body was laid out rigidly under the covers, as if deviating from that stiff posture would be impossible. The I.V. attached to his right hand and dripping fluid through its plastic tube seemed to be the only thing with any life to it.

Akira took a hesitant step forward. "They said the operation went well." He wasn’t sure if that were the right thing to say, but no one else seemed to be saying anything, and the silence felt uncomfortable.

Isumi turned again with another weak smile. "Yeah, I guess it did." He paused then, brows furrowing in confusion. "Where's Shindou?"

"Shindou?" Akira turned around.

His rival was no longer behind him.

__

Why would he wander off now? Akira looked back at Isumi. "He was here just a minute ago - I'll go see if I can find him."

"Hospitals make some people nervous, I think." Isumi nodded slowly. "I can understand why he might not want to see a friend like this. It's hard for me too." He looked, Akira noted, very tired.

"I suppose so… I'll go anyway." With a parting bow, the younger boy quickly left the room.

__

Where would he go? Back to the waiting area? 

That turned out to be an accurate guess.

"Shindou." Akira approached the couch with some trepidation. He didn't like his rival's posture at all - it spoke of thoughts and emotions he probably couldn't touch on. Shindou sat with his elbows on his knees, hands balled into fists and propping up his forehead. His back was bowed; his shoulders were tense. He wasn't crying, but he looked… distressed.

He didn't acknowledge Akira's presence at all when the taller boy stepped up to stand directly in front of him.

"Don't you want to see Waya?"

Shindou did respond then, but he didn’t lift his head, and his voice was low. "Not really."

Akira had a feeling it would be a bad idea to ask why, or to do or say anything that would sound like an accusation. "I see."

"Touya…"

He looked up. Shindou let his arms slid down so that his forearms were resting across his knees, and raised his head - just a bit - although he didn't look at Akira.

"I'm leaving."

That was a familiar phrase. Akira had heard it more times than he could count - back when Shindou stormed out of the Go Salon after every one of their meetings, screaming out exactly that. But it had never sounded so… defeated.

He pushed himself up as Shindou stood. "Are you coming back to my house?"

"No. I want to go home." Without giving him much more than a brief, haunted look, the shorter boy walked ahead of him out of the waiting area.

__

Because of what he said - about the ghost being the one responsible… Akira followed, but wasn't sure what to say in response. He felt as if he should do something - say something to make it better. But what would be appropriate in a situation like this? Should he assure him it wasn't his fault? Try to be comforting?

There wasn't anything he could do to fix things.

And that was the worst part of it.

((()))

There was no sanctuary in the playground.

Hikaru sat on the swing and watched his own shadow on the ground. There wasn't much light left from the rapidly disappearing sun, but it was enough to highlight the darker areas. The presence behind him had never weighed on his mind quite as heavily as it did just then. He was alone, in the dark, with nothing to distract him from his guilt.

__

And it was _my fault. If I hadn't been trying to get rid of it, Waya wouldn't have been hurt._ He shut his eyes, feeling something like nausea building at the pit of his stomach. _It was warning me. If I did something it didn't like again…_

That was not something he wanted to contemplate. Waya could have been killed back there. If the thing that was haunting him did something else to one of his friends, would they be as lucky as Waya had?

It definitely wasn't something he wanted to gamble on.

This already made two friends to feel guilty about. Hikaru leaned his head against the chain, feeling tired despite the rest he'd managed to get at Touya's house the night before. He'd failed Sai with his own carelessness, and now he'd hurt Waya because he'd been over-confident. There couldn't be anything worse than knowing that.

As if summoned by his thoughts, he felt the memory of water pressing around him, bitingly cold and choking as he sank down…

Hikaru shook his head furiously. "What do you want?" he demanded out loud, glaring at the empty air.

There was no answer.

The chains felt cold to touch, but he braced his hands on them all the same, shivering a bit. "What do you want?" he repeated, with considerably less heat.

He still got nothing.

__

I don't care. I don't care any more. If he didn't do something, he was going to lose another friend. That seemed like a certainty right then rather than just something to worry about. He couldn't do Touya's research, he couldn't try to ignore it or get rid of it…

"Whatever it is, I'll do it. So go ahead."

And with that, he got his answer.

((()))

More than anything, Akira hated being forced to sit back and let things happen as they would. He was more confident when his own actions would determine the outcome; if he wanted it done a certain way, at least then he could ensure that it was.

Shindou hadn't wanted his company, so he would have to find another way to help.

There may have been an element of danger - that is, if Shindou was to be believed, and the accident with Waya really had been a warning against their earlier actions. But Akira felt himself incapable of sitting idly with such things on his mind. That was why his mind had been made up already when he and Shindou had parted at the train station, and that was the reason he went immediately to his room when he'd come home, pulled up his chair, and turned on the computer.

__

If Shindou's not going to do any more research, then I'll do it myself.

They hadn't been getting very far on the subject of ghosts - most of what Akira had found that was serious at all had been temporary solutions that would keep the spirit at a distance. Which naturally wouldn't work for Shindou, since it could arrange to have him or his friends struck down in a terrible accident. Exorcism was unreliable and - from what he'd seen - difficult to pull off properly. The only other thing he'd come across - and he'd come across it consistently - had been the assurance that the ghost would move on to the promised afterlife once it had accomplished whatever purpose had kept it there.

The only problem was that, without knowing the ghost's purpose, it was impossible to accomplish it. And from what Shindou had said, it probably wouldn't be helpful to attempt to communicate with this thing.

__

In that case, I should be trying to find out who this might be, and what sort of purpose they might have. Akira frowned, tapping his finger against the mouse as he thought about that. It wasn't going to be easy - it might not even be possible. What did he have to go on, after all?

But nothing else had worked… wasn't this worth a try, at least?

If it meant he could do something that might help Shindou, then it was. Akira opened the search page on his web browser, trying to think of what he might search for. _All I have to work with is what it's done to him… The images in the mirror - the carving on the walls - and when he fell off his chair, because he was suffering a delusion that he was -_

That was it. Leaning forward, Akira typed 'drowning victim' into the search field.

As he'd predicted, there wasn't much to go on. Most of what came back as a result of his search were news articles or commentary. A couple had some basic descriptions of what to do with someone who'd been drowning. Akira scanned each one and made mental notes - and then handwritten notes, as he began to grow more tired.

After approximately half an hour of that - and two of his search pages - he stopped to rest.

__

Am I making any progress at all, or is this just wasting my time? He rubbed a hand over his forehead, absently pushing his bangs up. How would he be able to tell which one might be Shindou's ghost? They had no idea where the thing had come from, or how long it had been since it had died. Or even if it had died in their part of the world…

Akira leaned back in his seat, frowning thoughtfully. _It's more likely to be from our part of the world - even in our area. From everything I've read, it doesn't seem that a spirit would stray far from the place of their death, especially not to find a random victim to haunt._

As for the time… He shook his head, partly to clear it and partly to dismiss the problem. _It would make more sense if this were a recent death. It doesn't seem plausible that a ghost would linger after its death only to suddenly choose a victim… And Shindou was walking along a way that he's taken often to get home. If it were in that area and he were its chosen victim, it would have attached itself to him immediately._

That meant it was likely something recent. Akira picked up the list he'd been compiling, quickly scanning over the dates he'd jotted down. The most recent article sited a death that had taken place in early April - approximately when Shindou had been walking home that night.

__

I'll have to read this through more carefully. Leaning forward again, he went back to find the link.

The page was one of the commentaries - a more personal article, with the reactions of relatives and friends examined more closely than a news article might have. The victim had been an 18-year-old boy.

__

Shindou's age. Akira licked his lips, feeling oddly nervous, and read on.

Tokyo Bay claimed another precious life, with the tragic suicide of Toguchi Naoya, aged 18. Upon finding the body, police have come to the conclusion that Toguchi walked off the edge of the eastern most docking area. Friends and family were baffled by the incident, which seemed uncharacteristic for the boy they claim was cheerful and optimistic about life.

"I don't understand," distraught mother, Tamayo, told reporters. "He was perfectly normal and happy up until last couple of months. He got an acceptance letter from Tokyo University. Everything was fine for him."

Family members and close friends have all stated that Toguchi's attitude changed gradually in the early spring, although none would have predicted the change would indicate suicidal tendencies.

"He started acting nervous all the time," neighbor, Kaneshiro Yukio, said. "He'd jump if you startled him. It didn't look like he was sleeping well, and he always seemed distracted when you were talking to him. He was avoiding mirrors all the time - we thought maybe he was getting weird about how he looked or something."

__

Avoiding mirrors… Akira stopped reading for a moment. A sneaking, chilly sort of suspicion was creeping up on him, but he wasn't sure exactly where his mind was taking it. Was Toguchi Naoya the one haunting Shindou?

__

It doesn't quite make sense, though. For a moment, he was reminded of how he'd felt trying to put together the pieces of Sai and Shindou - nothing fit right. _This seems like Shindou's behavior, but that's the problem with it. This is_ too _close. It's more like…_

Exactly. Akira let out a long breath. _Like he was being haunted, too._

He picked up his list again. Besides Toguchi's case, the most recent date he had listed was in early February. And with that date, he had printed 'Tokyo Bay - suicide'.

It was more than a suspicion now. With a gnawing sort of fear growing at the pit of his stomach, Akira scanned through the rest of his own handwriting. At least five of the cases he'd jotted the details for were suicides in Tokyo Bay, and they were each about two months apart.

It was early June, now…

The growing sense of urgency that came with the realization wasn't about to let Akira check and see if the others were similar cases. If it was a coincidence, then he'd have worried for nothing, and that was fine. But if it wasn't…

Pushing his chair back, Akira hurried out to get to the phone. His fingers were shaking slightly as he dialed the number; even without putting a hand to his chest, he could feel the way his heart was pounding against it.

__

Shindou!

"Hello?" 

Shindou's mother. "Ah… this is Touya Akira," he rushed out. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, but is Shindou there?"

"He's not at your house?" The woman sounded as if she weren't sure whether to be alarmed or resigned. "I thought he was staying over there for a few days - he hasn't been home since he left for his match yesterday."

__

I could be too late, then! "I'm sorry - he must have gone somewhere else." There was no way to control the breathless tone, not with the way he was hurrying his words. "Thank you very much. Goodbye."

"Wait - Hikaru is - ?"

Akira hung up without waiting to hear her concerns, giving up on being calm and running down the hall to the front door.

He had to get to Tokyo Bay!

((()))

The thing Hikaru was most clearly aware of was the cold.

He wasn't moving very fast - a kind of slow, numbed walk toward the subway station. He wasn't really able to pay much attention to it, though - his mind felt dull. It was like being half-asleep and staring at the ceiling; you weren't fully conscious enough to realize what was the dream and what was reality.

He wasn't conscious enough to make his own legs move, but they were moving anyway.

__

Where am I going?

It was almost a rhetorical question. No one was going to answer him. He hadn't even said it out loud, and the only thing near him that could possibly hear his thoughts wasn't very free with communication.

Somehow, though, that didn't matter. It was almost like he was observing now - like he was some outsider who saw and heard and sensed everything around him but didn't have the immediate concern about any of it. He dug into his pocket for change, bought a ticket, and walked on into the station, getting onto a train straight away. It was the right train, but he only had a hazy sort of notion of where it was going.

Some place his ghost wanted.

There hadn't really been a reply to his offer of submission - although there were several things he could probably guess at, if he could think more clearly. The one thing Hikaru's mind grasped at very firmly just then was the fact that his agreement to do whatever the ghost wanted had been what it was waiting for all along. It was why it had appeared in the mirror, why it wrote his name on the walls, why it followed him around with its icy presence hanging over everything. And why Waya had been hit.

All just to make him agree.

And it was kind of creepy, in a vague sort of way, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now.

__

Maybe it's for the best. At least if it gets what it wants… maybe… Hikaru struggled with that thought for a moment. Maybe it would leave? Maybe it would do a miraculous turn-around and be happy instead of crazy? Maybe…

Well, he didn't know, did he?

There was at least one part of his half-fogged brain that still cared, but it couldn't scream loud enough for the rest to bother hearing.

And it wasn't like he could do much about it anyway.

He was walking. Hikaru blinked again, fighting for a moment of clarity. _I don't remember - when did I get off the subway?_ For a moment, he panicked - and then the thick hazy lethargy settled over his brain again, smothering it.

That was sort of how it had gone before, anyway. He had vague memories of falling off the swing, with the cold-water feeling rushing in and surrounding him. Then somehow, he'd pushed himself to his feet and started walking to the subway station at an awkward, shuffling pace. But it was okay for his mind to drift, because he'd move in the right direction even without knowing which direction was right.

That wasn't reassuring at all, but he couldn't quite remember the reasons why. After a moment, the thought slipped away and he let it go, not willing to put up a fight to hold onto it.

And his body kept moving through the streets.

((()))

Akira made his way out of the subway station at a dead run, jostling through a crowd of people who didn't seem to want to cooperate with his urgent mood. _I would be happy if there was nothing here…_

He was certainly not going to count on that. Something about the memory of Shindou's expression as they'd left the hospital scared him badly.

__

I should have realized. I should have - He squashed that thought, turning quickly down a side street. It wouldn't make any sense to keep thinking about it - what he should be deciding now was what he should do if he _didn't_ find Shindou.

And would that mean that Shindou actually hadn't come there? Or, he had and - 

__

And I'm too late.

Unacceptable. Akira tried to move faster, brushing past a couple of less-than-sober businessmen who yelled something after him in slurred, drawling voices about respecting his elders. Traffic was busy; sounds like horns blaring and cars rolling by him blended into a mess of background noise. He could hear his own harsh breathing clearly - as if every hitch and imbalance in it were defined with an impossible precision. Everything else was part of a dull, outside echo.

__

Shindou!

Akira turned another corner and quickened his pace toward the harbor that had been displayed on the screen in front of him.

He _couldn't_ be too late.

((()))

They were at a harbor. That much pierced through the haze. Hikaru was dumbly aware of it; could see the buildings and boats and the dark, almost black pit of water lining the docks. His footsteps echoed loud and confident against the thick wood of the pier he was walking across; he could hear water sloshing against the sides of it. The water was only a foot or so down from the wood surface.

__

Water?

There was something about water - something…

He couldn't remember. The footsteps went on.

In a way, he could sort of feel things. Like walking. His muscles were moving - he could feel the way they were pushing him forward; how his feet pressed into the ground. It was cold there; his body was shivering from it. He could feel goosebumps forming up his arms and the bite of the chilled breeze sneaking in from the open water. _Cold._

Cold… like…

__

There was a roaring like water, and his body felt as if it'd suddenly been dunked in ice.

He was nearing the edge of the harbor; his footsteps slowed, as if to stop.

__

It was painful, like being stabbed all over - he tried to struggle, but all it did was make him sink further.

The footsteps stopped; he could see his feet, braced a short ways apart from each other, toes not quite reaching the very end of the pier. In front of him was a long stretch of black water.

__

He couldn't breathe; he was suffocating - and the wild thrashing of his limbs did nothing to get him closer to the surface.

"I…" It was hard to get the words out; not because he was being kept silent, really, but because of the cold lump settling in his throat. It felt like he was freezing from the inside and the outside at the same time. "I don't…"

His weight shifted.

Too late, a sharp tendril of panic caught up with Hikaru's fogged mind; sudden, unreasoning terror took hold of him, and he didn't even have the time to think of a way to stop this from happening.

__

I don't want to die!

And then his foot took him one more step over the edge of the pier and he was falling down, unresisting.

((()))

He heard the splash before he'd really reached the pier. Akira was breathing harder than before, his legs aching from the strain of keeping them in motion. He wasn't really athletic by nature; he was more accustomed to walking or running only short distances, and the long sprint had tired him out. His legs felt like jelly.

The sound was enough to speed him up. _Shindou…!_

He hadn't seen a thing. That bit of knowledge was there, at the back of his head. He hadn't seen Shindou; didn't know if it really _was_ his rival who had caused the splash. For all he knew, it was some kind of fish jumping.

But it _could_ be. And that was enough.

There was no sign of Shindou anywhere on the wooden pier, but after hearing the splash, Akira hardly expected there to be. He rushed over to the end and all but collapsed on his knees, peering anxiously over the edge where the faint remnants of a disturbance marred the black surface of the water in front of him.

The last of his doubts left Akira's mind completely. Someone or something had fallen into the water, and the facts fit together too neatly for him to imagine that it was anyone but Shindou. 

Instinct took over at that point.

Taking a deep breath, Akira leaned forward and dove into the water headfirst.

It was an ill-thought-out plan - he realized that straight away. Transferring from the air to the water was shocking, and he almost lost his breath. It was a lot colder than he'd expected.

__

Shindou's in here too…

The problem was that he couldn't tell for sure - he couldn’t _see_ Shindou. Even as he propelled himself downward, fingers reaching blindly in front of him, a sick kind of despair was building at the back of his throat. It was too dark - how could he find anything if he couldn't even see a foot in front of his face? It would be a miracle if he managed to bump into Shindou.

__

I can't give up, though - I can't! The thought almost had him clawing at the water, but he kept his arms and fingers steady, pulling himself downward. He was starting to run out of air; he'd have to go back up to the surface soon. _Shindou…_

Directly beneath him, something began to glow.

It was indistinct with the water irritating Akira's eyes, but in the darkness it was difficult to miss. There was a shape to it - an obvious shape, hard to miss. A person shape.

Momentarily forgetting his lack of air, Akira pushed himself forward harder. _It… has to be…_

For a moment, it seemed to be sinking, and then it slowed, gradually stopping, and he caught up to it, coming close enough to see the source of the glow more clearly.

Not just a person. _Two_ people.

One of them holding the other up.

The last of Akira's breath escaped him in a sudden, startled rush. For a moment, he lost all train of thought, floating in the water, staring at the blurry image in front of him. It was freezing, and he was staring to feel light-headed from the lack of oxygen, but the thought process required to move his limbs was - for that one instant - beyond him.

And then the solid pressure of Shindou Hikaru's unconscious body was being transferred into his arms, and more immediate needs took over.

__

Air…

Turning aside from the glowing form, Akira hooked one arm around his rival's chest and began to swim desperately back for the surface.

He could feel his eyes stinging; there were black spots appearing at the side of his vision. _It has to be worse - it's worse for Shindou - he's probably swallowed water - he's not conscious - he could be…_

His legs were aching… The surface was so far away - it looked like he was an eternity away from it…

And then, suddenly, he was through.

Akira sucked in several breaths almost on top of each other - huge not-quite-sobbing gasps that made his chest throb and his throat feel raw. Urgency wouldn't let him linger on that for long, though; Shindou was unmoving in his arms, a limp wet bundle that didn’t seem capable of responding.

__

I wasn't… I couldn't have been… Too late? The thought spurred him on further. Employing arms that already felt like cooked noodles, Akira wrestled himself back up onto the pier, dragging Shindou out after him.

__

What did I read on that website…? It was difficult to wring coherency from his exhausted brain, but Akira made the effort to remember the mental notes he'd taken upon finding the site that had given instructions on what to do with someone who had been drowning. _Turn him over. And then -_

Rolling Shindou onto his stomach, Akira leaned down to apply pressure. "You can't die," he heard himself say, and had to bite back a sudden, hysterical burble of laughter. That tone of voice… It sounded like he was telling him not to lose in the early round of a tournament.

__

I can't lose you now!

Beneath his hands, Shindou made a choked retching noise and spat up a mouthful of water. Then he began to cough violently, little gasping noises interrupting as he tried to get oxygen back into his lungs. Several more spouts of water joined the first.

It felt as if Akira's whole body gave way at that; he leaned back suddenly, shutting his eyes, hearing his heart echoing loudly as he breathed hard and fast. There didn't seem to be a single ounce of strength left in him. _You're alive,_ he thought, and couldn't find the energy to say it out loud.

Somehow, it almost seemed like an impossibility.

Shindou's coughing subsided into weak, shuddering gulps of air, and Akira forced himself to open his eyes, slide over toward the boy still lying on his stomach. He braced a hand on his rival's shoulder.

Shindou made some effort to look at him, despite having some obvious trouble focussing. "T-Touya…" His voice was raspy - unrecognizable.

But he was talking.

"I'm…" Akira found his own voice; it sounded hoarse, but it was no where near as awful as his rival's, "calling for help." Except that his cell phone would have been ruined by the water. "I have to find a phone." He ignored his protesting muscles and started to push himself to his feet.

Clumsy fingers grabbed at his shirt. "Toba - Tobashigawa," Shindou gasped out, as if it were vitally important. "Tobashigawa Noriko!"

Akira stared at him. "Shindou…?"

"That's her name. That was her name. Tobashigawa Noriko. That was her." His fingers slackened, and he seemed to calm down a little. "She's gone now."

There would be time to wonder about that later; Akira made a mental note, not at all sure if he'd manage to retain the name, and nodded. "Stay here," he ordered, somehow keeping his voice steady - then re-thought that, unconsciously grabbing at the hand on his sleeve. "Can you stay here? If I leave, you won't…"

Shindou's eyes shut; he shook his head, just a slight movement. "She's gone," he repeated, leaning his face back against the pier. "It's okay. She's gone now."

He would have to take a chance anyway - with a nod, Akira pushed himself up laboriously and forced his weary legs to carry him off to find help.

((()))

"I have nothing." Automatically, Waya attempted to lean forward off the pile of pillows propping him up. "Ow!"

"Be a little more careful, Waya," Isumi admonished him, with a bit of a smile. "You're still an invalid, you know."

"You don't need to keep reminding me." The injured boy poked gingerly at his taped ribs, then shot a rueful grin at his roommate. "Thank you for the game."

"Thank you for the game," Hikaru echoed, returning the smile, and lifted the magnetic board from where it had been set on the bed between them. "You're not playing so badly for someone doped up on painkillers."

"Says the guy who gave himself hypothermia and nearly drowned." Waya leaned back carefully, settling the sling on his left arm so it rested in a way that wasn't too uncomfortable. His hips were still set stiffly on the bed; he could move around fairly well, thanks to the surgery, but it would be a long time before he had full mobility again. According to the doctors, anyway. "At least I have an excuse for being a little off."

Hikaru shrugged. His memories of that night were vague at best, and he didn't really care to think about them much anyway. "It was an accident. Lucky thing Touya was there, I guess."

"You guess?" Isumi shook his head, but didn't seem too serious. "You're awfully calm about it. It was pretty shocking to hear about, though - first Waya, then you. The two of you need to stop worrying me like this."

"It wasn’t my fault!" Waya and Hikaru both protested at the same time - and then glanced at each other sheepishly.

Isumi chuckled. "Well, the important thing is that you're both all right."

"Yeah." Hikaru set aside the board and stretched widely. "I'm sick of this place, though. Can't wait to get out of here today."

"Consider yourself lucky." Waya sighed, shutting his eyes and leaning his head back, almost theatrically. "I'm stuck here for another week at least."

"We'll visit," Isumi reminded him.

"Just remember to bring some decent food," the younger boy pointed out, cracking open one eye.

Hikaru couldn't help but smile at that. It was a relief to see Waya acting like himself, even with the injuries keeping him immobile. He was already talking about making up for the games he was going to have to miss while he was hospitalized, not to mention an upcoming tournament that was just far enough away so that he'd be discharged in time to try and qualify. Until he could move around properly again, they were going to have to make allowances for him during his games - but it wasn't going to be too much trouble to handle.

Almost like the damage was just a minor inconvenience - but that was Waya for you.

__

Thank god for that.

His ghost was gone. Hikaru wasn't too sure when it had happened - or why, for that matter - but once he'd regained consciousness, he'd just _known_. There was no more sense of presence - no writing on the walls, no creepy images in mirror reflections. Somehow, his plunge into the bay had gotten rid of it.

__

Or maybe it was Touya. He'd been gone for most of the rescue, so he wasn't too sure about the details. His rival had said something about finding things on the Internet and somehow figuring out what was happening to him. Obviously Touya had dived in and pulled him out, but his dark-haired rescuer was pretty vague on what exactly had happened while they were underwater.

The way his eyes had gone thoughtful when the subject came up, though… That made Hikaru think _something_ important had happened down there.

The only thing left to do, then, was to somehow get Touya to tell him.

"Shindou Hikaru?"

He looked up. One of the nurses was standing the doorway to the room, a clipboard in one hand and what looked like a small card in the other. She smiled at him. "You weren't in your room. I was told by one of your visitors that I could probably find you here."

"I have a visitor?" Hikaru blinked, then glanced at his watch. Twenty minutes later than the time Touya had said he would stop by. "Ah! When did it get so late?"

At the other side of the room, Waya laughed - then made a slight coughing, uncomfortable noise and pressed his free hand lightly over his ribs as his guffaws subsided. "Ow… ow…"

"Don't strain yourself," Isumi cautioned him, sounding amused again.

"Shindou-kun?" The nurse called Hikaru's attention back to her again. "A card came for you," she said, holding out the object in question. "Here."

"Oh. Thanks." He took it. Actually, the thing wasn't much of a card - just a small piece of thin cardboard, with his name printed in neat characters on the front. Flipping it over, though, he found only one large character, with a smaller word at the bottom.

Printed in plain black ink on a white background was the kanji for 'hikaru'. And written across the bottom corner was simply 'end'.

((()))

Akira came back into his room, carrying the two mugs of hot green tea he'd gone to retrieve, and stopped momentarily. "What are you doing?"

Shindou didn't look up from his computer screen. "Searching," he said, and leaned back with a sigh, hand sliding from the mouse. "I found what I was looking for, though."

He didn't seem to be tired, although Akira knew his rival was still a bit weak from the incident of two nights ago. He'd only recently been released from the hospital, and despite his tendency to get annoyed whenever someone asked him how he was, he wasn't nearly as active as usual.

But he hadn't asked for concern, and Akira didn't offer it. "What is it?" he asked instead, setting the mugs down carefully and looking over the other boy's shoulder.

"Tobashigawa Noriko," Shindou answered, and pointed toward the screen. The site he was on seemed to be a news bulletin of some sort. "This is her. My ghost."

Akira's eyes slid over the date. Two years ago, May. "What happened to her?"

"She drowned," Shindou supplied, unhelpfully. Catching Akira's flat stare, he went on, "She was a mental patient, okay? They found out she was crazy about two months before she killed herself. That's why… sort of."

"Sort of?" Akira repeated. The picture beside the article showed him a small girl with dark hair and a happy smile. It was hard to believe that she could really be a ghost who had caused so many people to kill themselves.

"Well… mostly because her boyfriend left her. Because she turned out to be crazy and all." Shindou frowned at the screen. "That's the part I was looking for. You know the way she always used to draw the 'light' symbol on walls and stuff?" He didn't wait for a reply. "She used to call him 'my light' or something like that - anyway, every time she left him a note, it had that character at the top."

A little more of it was starting to come together for Akira. "So… then, the reason she wrote it…"

"She left him a note before she died. That's why it mentioned the stuff in the article about that symbol." Shindou's voice had gotten quiet. "It didn't say much. Just to meet her at the dock if he really cared about her."

Akira pressed his lips together. "It sounds like she wanted to be stopped."

"Yeah… but… she couldn't swim." Shindou squirmed a bit in his seat, then turned to look at Akira, attempting a smile to hide the hint of sadness in his expression. "Maybe she just wanted someone to try and save her. Maybe that's why she's gone now."

"Because I saved you…" It was a nice idea. Akira gazed back at Shindou, not smiling right away. It was better to believe that she was really gone - not just moving on to haunt someone else. That she was at peace, and not bitter or angry any more.

"Well, whatever. She's gone - that's good enough." Shindou abruptly reverted, and reached up to tug at Akira's shirt. "What are you doing up there? I can't reach that high."

That did prompt a smile - but he let himself be pulled down. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

Predictably, Shindou just looked annoyed. "I'm rested! Shouldn't you be on the floor letting me ravish you?"

Akira rested his hands on the chair as Shindou pulled him down into the kiss. It still felt new - made his stomach jump and everything seem to center around the odd pressure on his lips. And all the more precious for almost having been lost completely. So he allowed himself a few moments of self-indulgence before pulling back.

"What?" Shindou demanded impatiently, eyes flashing a bit at the interruption.

"Our drinks will get cold," Akira pointed out, pushing himself back up and smiling in return. "We shouldn't waste them. Anyway, there's plenty of time, if you're planning to spend the night."

"Yeah, yeah." Shindou sighed again, grudgingly, and reached for the mug nearest him. "I guess." He took a careful sip, then pulled back and blew on the steaming liquid.

Akira sat himself down in the extra chair, holding his drink in both hands. He wasn't exactly cold, but the heat felt good against them. "You know…" he began, then stopped.

The other boy looked up at him curiously. "What?"

"Nothing." Akira shook his head, mentally revising his plan for the upcoming talk. There had to be a way to say it - and he would _have_ to say it, one way or another. But how to bring it up…

" _What_?" Shindou repeated, looking a bit irritated. "Don’t act like you're going to say something and then back out at the last minute."

Akira bit back the automatic retort. "Never mind," he said instead, raising his drink.

Shindou let out a long, frustrated breath of air. "All right, whatever."

There was a long moment of silence.

__

Now or never, I suppose…

"I saw something," Akira said, after only a moment's hesitation. Shindou looked up, met his gaze, but didn't say anything, waiting for him to go on. "When I dove in after you. I couldn't see a thing, but something started glowing… and I found you."

"Glowing," Shindou repeated - not as if he couldn't believe it, but as if it were something that made him think.

"Not just a glow," Akira corrected himself, watching his rival's face carefully. "It was a person. Someone holding you up."

"A person?" Shindou suddenly sat up straight, staring at him. "Who?"

Instead of answering, Akira took in a long breath, and went on, "He had long hair. A tall hat. And… a traditional Heian costume."

Shindou's eyes were wide - devastated, almost. But he said nothing.

"He was smiling…" Akira added softly, almost to himself. "Like he had no doubt I'd get you back up in time. I didn't think of that until afterward. I was afraid, but he was just smiling."

Some small and garbled sound escaped Shindou's throat, and he suddenly bowed his head, to the point where his bangs hid a good portion of his face.

Akira stayed silent and didn't move at all even while Shindou's shoulders began to shake as he cried.


End file.
